39 weeks and 4 days...

Quick update becuase really I need all the sleep I can get at this point...or so I'm told. Yesterday morning my water broke at the doctor's office. It's a pretty funny story but I'm saving it to tell all at once, later. It's 11:02am on Saturday (February 23) morning and I am waiting to go to the hospital to get checked and assessed. Have already been to Hosp. once this morning but again, saving all details until later.

The good news is baby is active, there isn't a crazy blizzard outside and most likely in the next few days our baby will be here! It's all becoming very real. There are so many things running through my mind right now! Thank god we found the rocking chair for the nursery! Just in the nic of time! OK. Focus. Eat. Sleep. Then we're off.

39 weeks...

I'm a little sick of hearing the words: "ARE YOU READY TO POP?" Like what the fuck people? If it were only that easy. If I were a balloon, all ripe and full of air, I'd sit my sorry ass on a pin if I could! For all you preggies out there who are still growing, just wait. For all you post-preggies who have already endured this trying time-frame of 'the last few weeks', you know where I'm coming from. And for all of you non-preggies...good on you cause ignorance is bliss.

Today, I'm 39 weeks and 1 day. My official due date is next Tuesday February 26th, which, by the way, is a terrible thing to focus on in my opinion. It is neither accurate nor any more relaxing to know the potential day. Cause really, the odds are not in your favour (unless you are Beaches Mom or my friend Frenchie) to actually deliver on the magic day. I'm pretty sure this is one of the major symptoms of that Nesting thing I was talking about the other day. Why am I obsessively cleaning and rearraging and folding and dusting and list-writing? Because I'm BORED! It's not like - oh yeah, I'm off work, let's kick back and chillax, crack a pint, light up a ciggie and call it a day. Hell NO! That's not what it is at all. I am living in between two worlds right now - the sleeping giant and snow white!

Here's me 6 days ago. And trust me when I tell you that Baby Bean is active and still packing on the pounds. I'd post a pic of my belly right now but can't get up off the couch. For serious. I'd grab on to Otis the dog's collar and ask him to get up and run, but he just finally calmed down from one of his puppy-spazz's and I really need to take five.

WARNING! The contents of this post may be offensive to some. Reader's discretion is advised.

FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!

...AND fuck off.

Who said anything about cleaning?

I've heard about women who are nearing the end of pregnancy and get that "nesting" urge. Women who have been known to rip down wallpaper at midnight, remove door hinges and polish them until they glisten, and surely someone out there has decided it would be a good idea to purge all their files from their computer without checking for the backup. Me? I'm sad to say that this generally level headed not too manic or obsessive compulsive easy going woman has recently found herself teetering on the brink of insanity. And the baby hasn't even arrived. But here's the weird thing, I don't see it as insane activity. I have complete and utter rational for all that I am doing these days. NO it is not wrong that I am doing 4 loads of laundry a day. (Did I mention the baby has not arrived yet?) NO it is not wrong that I washed the washer and dryer. I did. It's true. They were dusty! NO I don't believe that driving to Home Depot in a snow storm to get the vintage-porcelain knobs for the dresser in the nusery is absurd. And I certainly do not agree that surfing for the most perfect material for the curtains that I won't even have enough time to make, is a dumb waste of time.

I can, however, detect that it is not normal behaviour for me. I am generally not a planner. I like to set an abstract concept and run with it, then put all the pieces together last minute. Lately though, I have an infinite amount of energy to cross everything off the list(s) that I have made. I am usually not a list maker, however since said pregnany has kicked my brains ass, the lists have now become an extension of myself. Beaches taught me how to write a list. I'm still no pro, but it seems to be doing the trick. And that list can be anything from picking up coffee that I don't even consume myself right now, to ensuring the furnace filter gets changed and the car gets detailed prior to the car seat being installed. I have a list on my fridge right now that dictates times and quantities for Lil Pup-Pup's ear medications (poor dog has another ear infection...apparently the next step is a $500 dermatology appointment. Right. Holding....) I have a list, no, 2 lists that cross-check one another on What to Pack for the Hospital. So you see? It's not irrational or crazy talk or me acting like a fucking maniac, it's normal. Perfectly 100% well thought out plans to execute all before baby comes. And so the story goes that once you've hit this level of 'nesting' or as some call it 'out of control cleaning frenzy', that labour is just around the corner. So be it. Bring it on! But wait, let me just re-org the closets first.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow I will go into work and finish packing up my desk. I will make sure my inbox is clear, my internet history is erased, my documents are in order and my files are passed off. I will shake hands cordially with peers, hug some and wince at others. I will set my out-of-office reply, forward my phone and notify HR with one final last email. I will make a few final calls to tie up loose ends, I will thank my boss for hiring me. Tomorrow, at 5pm or so, I will officially be on my first ever maternity leave. This is virtually impossible to wrap my head around. I have left jobs before but this is nothing like that. This is like packing up the cottage for the winter, like folding those last few summer dresses to be stored away for next summer, like packing up the Christmas decorations while thinking "what will life be like when I next unwrap you?". This time, I have no idea. I can try to imagine what life will be like, but I stop short everytime I try to complete the thought. Maybe it's because I don't know who you are yet little Bean. Or, maybe I'm scared a little. The thought of being back at work, in this place where I pour all my energy into action every day, is like a distant thought already. Because although I am a corporate girl, I can't imagine sitting at a desk all day juggling the corporate life with the home life. Tomorrow marks the start of new beginnings, new schedules, new responsibilities. Tomorrow, I think, is a very big day.

Checking things off...

Well folks, we're making progress. I'm a little over 3 weeks away from meeting little Bean and in typical "me" fashion, everything is coming together just under the wire.

Today we bought Baby Bean a stroller! Finally! With much thought and diligent comparative analysis of all the top lines on the market (thanks to everyone for their input!) from the Bugaboo to the Zooper, we decided on the Valco Tri-Mode. It's durable, it folds up quickly, it's pretty slick. I've already decided to go back for the bassinet which is sold seperately. Sooo excited and glad this is now crossed off the list.

I also picked up a the Graco Snugride carseat in matching blue/grey. I'm feeling MUCH better about the slight possibility of going into early labour...at least this way we can get the Beans home!