Little feet.

It's three am.
A tap dance emerges from within.
Little feet awaken to venture and explore.
Through dreamland they glide across the wall,
testing the barriers, learning their limits.
These preliminary movements mark the beginning of territory,
the start of a new adventure, the creation of a new life.
You carve your own path.
Little feet.
Tapping your progress I am your first witness.
I envelope your movements, your decisions, your boundaries, for now.
Little feet.
Tapping your path you dance within the walls.
Tapping your path you learn from your dance.
Little feet.
I will protect you.
Little feet.

You make me smile.

...the O-Dog.

23 and free!

This title popped into my head about an hour ago while I was riding the subway home from work, half-passed out on the guy next to me, cradling my purse and under-sized winter coat in my arms. 23 and Free! I'm 23 weeks preggies tomorrow. I have a memory like a sieve and am over half-way to birthing this kicking little miracle. 23 and Free. Apart from the fact that it rhymes what really does this mean? 23 and Free. I'm definitely not free of worry. I'm sure as hell not free of grey hair. And free-spirited? I might be losing that temporarily too. Notice how I say temporarily. 23 and Free. I'm not free of responsibility. I have a husband and a dog and a mortgage and a career and a soon-to-be newborn all vying for my attention. Nope, couldn't be that. 23 and Free. Is it possibly in the literal sense? Could I be subconsciously juxtaposing my current state to that of nearly 10 years ago when I WAS 23 and Free? "Free...to do what I want...Any old ti-ime." Perhaps. I mean you can't blame a gal for stepping back and taking a candid look at her life's progressions can you? 23 and Free. Hmm....maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and know what I meant.

********************************

Nope. Still not sure what I meant. Pretty sure it's a little bit of all of the above.

McCravings!

It's 9:49 am on Friday morning. I woke up feeling hung over re: lack of sleep. I just packed in two Mcdonal's Hash Browns and you know what I gotta say about it? Big McFucking Deal!

I am so satisfied.

Sleep Ez Dee.........forgetaboutit.

So I can't sleep. When I lie down I have hip pain. I've concluded it's equivalent to those growing pains you get in your legs when you're a kid. It always hits at night. It wakes you up. And there is no escaping it. Well...almost. I'm being told by me favourite fellow fertile female that Tylenol is the answer. One, because it's the only fucking thing we can take, and two, well it's a mild anti-inflamatory. So here I am, all ready to pop a few pills...oh how I miss the freedom!! And my medicine cabinet is riddled with everything but. I've weeded through the advil, dristan and gaviscon bottles only to be left staring at an empty bottle of Oxycontin (not mine), a mangled packet of Sleep-Ez-D (are these legal still?) and a tube of anusol (also not mine, but afraid it's only a matter of time). No. Fucking. Tylenol.

Wicked. "Otis, wanna go for a walk?"

Quick chat about my attitude

Yeah I'm pregnant and Yeah I'm a fucking moody bitch. But hold the phone people, that broad on the subway today was Out Of Line!

The scenario:
It's 8:59 am. Tuesday. I'm on the subway heading to work. It's hot. It's crowded. The air smells like ass and the guy standing next to me ate garlic and red wine for dinner last night. OH YES HE DID!

Me and my pregnant ass are wedged nicely around the subway pole and between 5 or so random travellers who are almost as miserable as the subway conductor who no one can hear unless you happen to be wearing a Whisper 2000. (I have a story about w2000, another time another place perhaps).

The intruder:

So here I am. Standing. That's right. Mindin' ma business. Trying to concentrate on the good things in life as opposed to that nasty fucker standing next to me. (You are lucky, you are carrying your first born child, you have a roof over your head, a nice roof in fact and Oh CHRIST YOU SMELL MOTHERFUCKER!) As we pull into the next station a woman starts to push her way through the mass and into me. "Excuse ME" she hisses in my ear as the subway wheels are screetching around the corner. Subway lady thinks it's time to make a move to the front doors. "No problem, I say, "it's alright, everyone is getting off at the next stop".

The conflict:

Subway Lady looks at me and says in one of the snottiest voices I've herad all week: "Oh Wow, aren't you the smart one". Okay. Here's where I start to get a little pissy. Who the fuck does this broad think she is? A) It's now 9:07am on a rainy tuesday morning. B) There is no possible movement in the train and C) Need I remind her that I'm knocked up and unable to navigate with the train as it rides the rails? I respond with a short and painfully dissapointed tone in my voice: "Ohhhhhhh, Shut up."

The escape:

The subway arrives at the next stop and the doors open. Subway Lady, who is clearly a loser and a fucking coward, turns to me as she shoves past me and says: "You'r Ugly!". HAHA! The first thing that came to mind as I laughed at her comment was that I immediately had to pee. But with all my might I pushed the IPU (Inappropriate Pee Urge) aside and replied lightheartedly: "Is that the best you've got?" Subway Lady bolted past me and off the train and as she sped along the platform our eyes met through the subway glass. The subway pulled away and I winked.

Don't fuck with me. I'm simply not in the mood.

I have to Pee!

I have to pee, I have to pee!!!!!! This little baby is working it's way nicely into my bladder zone! UGH! It's no joke. Um...Holy shit pregnant women really DO have to pee more!

But here's the news. Gone are the days where you could grin and bear it. Gone are the days where you sat in math class thinking up every reason under the sun to get the hell out, and decided maybe going for a quick pee would be a great way to kill time. No. This is serious shit. Or, err...pee. There really is no middle-ground anymore where you can pee, or hold off. When the warning singals hit, you need a little tp and toilet time asap. Allow me to elaborate for just a moment...

Getting up 3 times a night to pee is now the norm. Peeing three or four times before I leave the house is standard. Just this morning I was walking to the subway, which really, should only take about 7 minutes and now takes me almost 15, and as I was passing the Tim Horton's I was at the same time plotting a quick BPI. Bathroom Pop-In. Is this what my life has come to? I now plan around peeing. But here's the best, and Dax, I know you are on the same page as me here. The PIAP is the worst for sure. This, to all you non-preggos, has to be the worst Pee offender. This is when you pee and then you immediately have to pee again. It's the brutal almighty Pee Immediately After Pee syndrome. Yeah. I might as well take my phone and laptop into the washroom at work and...hold that thought I just have to pee....

20 Weeks

Wahoo! Today I've reached the halfway point of pregnancy. This little baby and I have already experienced so much together it's hard to believe in just 20 or so odd weeks we'll get to see eachother! I can't wait, but oh god, there is so much to do. I have been so wrapped up in writing about baby I have completely forgotten to talk about the new house that Huzb and I bought. Yeah so as if there isn't enough madness in my life, we bought and moved into this fabulous home just three short weeks ago. Huzb has been working his ass off day and night to get this place all set for when Baby arrives. He has ripped out stairs, decks and shrubs, not to mention a basement from hell that was chalk full of black mould and shaggy 70's carpeting. So nasty. So smelly. So outta there! He has painted (oh poor guy he really hates painting), built new stairs and is now about to tackle the basement. His timelines are aggressive, but knowing him, he'll get it done by his deadline. Wait! We also have to get the baby room set up, painted, and oh god, we need to buy furniture. Strollers, we need to pick out strollers. Ok Baby, I take it back. I'm so so so excited to meet you, to hold you and to craddled you to sleep. To teach you and guide you and painfully watch you make mistakes that you will learn from. To watch Huzb care for you. Make you wise and strong. But I'm hoping the next 20 weeks will go by slowly because we have so much to do!

Oh...and the lack of recent belly shots? Yeah. We moved. There are boxes all over my house. In one of them sits a nicely folded USB cord for my camera.

Sigh.