Transient Tales of a Girl

ZoomZoomZoom

2011-04-06T23:18:00.003-04:00

No. Not the car campaign. Not the lense. My life. And let me be the first to say IT'S TIME TO SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Rewind. I had a second baby. As you may gather by my last post in...um...October. We'll get to Liam in a minute. Fast forward. The Huzb got a promotion and we moved to Vernon, BC. Rewind. We sold our first house in 7 days. We staged our first house in 2 weeks. We moved out of our first house temporarily for 15 days. We had packers come in and wrap up all of our belongings and put them in a very large (pretty sure I counted 18 wheels) truck. We got on a plane once with our dog and again with our kids and trecked the lot of us across the country, and three time zones. Fast forward. I am currently sitting in a cute little cottage over looking very large rolling hills (some call them mountains) a tennis court, a field, and a bird feeder. Every morning I wake up and see the tops of the trees dusted with snow. This cute little cottage sits in a row of ten other cute little cottages just off the main drag. It's pretty funny that something 15 minutes out of town can be called a cottage. But that's small town life. Rewind. I moved to a small town? Fast forward. This little place we are staying in will be my most poignant memory in years to come of our very first experience in this new town. That just occured to me. Present. Let me start at the beginning.

Me.

2010-10-16T09:50:00.003-04:00

I've taken a break. A step back from all of this. Not because I wanted to as much as that I simply had no time. No time to physically sit down and put thoughts in black; but even more so, no time mentally to think, create and cohesively string a sentence together. The last long while I have been away. Away from who I am, who I know. Another Me has been here. A good Me too, not that the other is not. But the Me who gives up all of herself temporarily for a better state. A magical state. A foggy, bogged-down, sleep deprived, relentless-on-the-body state. That state which I have been in this past while, is Tiny's entrance. And while Tiny and I have been getting to know each other, Me has changed once again. It's cliche. It's ironic. It's nothing new. But it's also powerful, encouraging and incredibly satisfying to come out the other side feeling the way I do now. A little more clear headed, a little more balanced, a little more wise. Tiny, as you will read, has added another level of Me to make Me an even better one.

I watch.

2010-10-13T09:52:00.007-04:00

I watch you, as we read bedtime stories together. A ritual that started from virtually day one. I watch, as you ask me Why? and What's That? and Who Else? I watch, as you absorb the illustrations and the words. I watch, as you make tiny connections that transform into thought. I watch, as you rub your bunny ears and relish in the comfort that is this. I watch.

I watched, as you took your first tumble. I watched, as you held your head high. I watched, as you took your first spoonful. I watched when you walked with pride. I watched, when you ran into daycare. I watched, when you cried with distrust. I watched, when you smiled at your art work. I watched, and I watched, and I watched.

You watch, as I change his diaper. You watch, as I feed him at dawn. You watch, as we cuddle together. You watch, as he reaches for you. You watch, and I learn all along, it is me who has grown.

The Perfect Day of Gifts

2009-05-10T22:51:00.009-04:00

First, we thought about you. How you would look, how you would sound, what your name would be. Then, you were born and we couldn't imagine ever wondering these things. Your eyes are magnetic, your voice brings smiles from miles away, your name, while you are only just over a year old, suits you perfectly: Beautiful, strong and with many colours and variations. Olivia - what we didn't know, and what we have found out a little more every day since the days before you were born, is how much joy and harmony and love you bring into our lives. I could sit here all day for ever more describing these instances and moments and still not have enough stories and words to fill my pages. So for today, I will tell but one.

Today is Sunday May 10, 2009. Today, is Mother's Day. Today, you took your first steps. This morning I woke up to the sounds of you babbling and chatting softly to yourself in your bedroom. Otis came bounding up the stairs and jumped up on our bed while Daddy crept into your room to turn on your musicbox. This generally keeps you happy until one of us returns with your morning bottle...a routine that has started since I've gone back to work and our mornings have sped up way more then even I like. We'll be working on breaking this habit soon. Daddy brought you into our room and together you handed me a card. It was so sweet, written with kind words and included a note that told me Daddy and I are going away on a special weekend getaway and spa soon! Oh how we need this! We all got dressed and hopped in the car to head out to our favourite breakfast spot. After a few false starts we finally made it and had a great time stuffing our faces with pancakes, waffles, sausages and bacon. Daddy and I drank way too much coffee and you had way too many pancakes but we had such a great time. After a quick trip to Home Depot for some potted plants we were home in time for a late morning nap.

The rest of our day was more of the same. Family time, napping, gardening and laughs. For the first time in a long time, Daddy and I were able to just sit and enjoy the company of our family. I think you caught on, I really do because it was at that very moment, when you decided to get up and walk. I had set up a blanket on the front lawn so that we could watch Daddy do a few things in the front yard. You and I were sitting and playing with some toys I had brough outside, but you really were much more interested in waving at everyone who walked by the house. So I started tickling you and making you giggle. We were playing this game where you would stand in front of me and hang your head backwards to look upside down. It's one of your favourite games right now - you laugh so hard I think you're peeing your pants for sure! Then you looked at me and I knew. I stood you up and I don't know why, but I said to Daddy, watch this, Livvie is going to walk.

AND YOU DID! You stood in front of me and took two steps towards me. Then you plunked down to your knees and let out the biggest giggle. Smiling from ear to ear you looked at me. I stood you up again. This time, you stood there, holding your arms out in the air for balance. And laughed. You looked at me, you looked at Daddy, and then you walked again. One, Two, Plunk! Down on your knees. And the giggles continued. You made it to three steps before you decided that was it and fell into my arms for a hug. Together we laughed and as tears streamed down my face I thought to myself: Words can not describe this. The joy that filled that moment was indescbribable to anyone other then us. And that is what makes us a family. That is what makes me the luckiest Mother in the world. That, my sweet Loulou, is the perfect gift.

Olivia is one.

2009-03-03T15:51:00.002-05:00

February, 2008.

The month you were born. I will never forget it. It was sunny, extremely cold and the city was frozen and snow-bound. But while everything around us slept, you were waking up and getting ready to meet the world. I have a vision of you that I will always carry with me; on the day you came home. Your features were porcelain-like. You looked like a little doll. You lay perfectly still swaddled up tightly in your bassinet, and you slept. Perfect bow-lips, plump little cheeks, and the tiniest, daintiest fingers I have ever seen. You slept.

Spring.

Poetically, with the change in seasons you began to wake up. You found your smile, you started to open and discover your hands, and you continued to kick those little legs. At 11 weeks you rolled over for the very first time. Our days were spent feeding and sleeping and I watched your every move to see what you'd discover next. You got pretty good at batting your toys on your bouncy chair, and you started to roll over. When we weren't eating and sleeping we would plan an outing. Usually, this would be one of three places: Loblaws, Shoppers, or Auntie Mia's. These days were hectically quiet, you grew as I healed, and together we started to really get to know each other. That spring, your Daddy worked very hard on finishing the basement so that we would have a place to set up your play zone, which all too soon would become quite handy.

Summer.

The lazy days of summer encapsulated us in a way that is virtually indescribable looking back. You continued to grow and change by the minute. Your swimming pool eyes were here to stay as you watched and bloomed with the world around you. You were doing very well holding your head up and making slow and brief attempts at crawling. You cut your first tooth at 5 months! The first in so many milestones to come, and little did we know, one that would be a very prominent fixture until all of them were in! You had all the textbook signs and symptoms, the drool cough to boot, but you hung in and we made it through. Now? A smile full of beautiful pearly whites. You also started eating real food. I can still smell the peaches boiling in our little kitchen, while you smiled wide-eyed in your high chair as you watched me make your food. You were very excited to try new foods and especially loved bananas, peaches and pears. Visits with Dax and Bella, my virtual second daughter were regular and we had no idea, or maybe we did, how lucky we were to be experiencing this first year in tandem. Together, going through each and every mini-milestone. We shared our every thought, fear and experience - one that I will never forget. A bond of friendship that was sealed years before grew deeper this year because of you and Anabella, and for that I know we are both left without words and with swelling hearts. Strollerfit and Starbucks became a part of our weekly regime, along with neighbourhood walks and shopping trips. Bliss.

This summer, your Daddy worked so hard, almost too hard on our house. He built our back deck, he finished our basement, he worked long days and nights to make this place a comfy and happy home. We managed to get away on our first family trip to a cottage. It was hectic and exhausting but so fun to take you to a new surrounding. You took your first dip in a lake, you watched the birds and you continued to smile those ear to ear smiles. You are such a happy little bean. We have such a happy little family and because of you, our bond is deeper and greater then ever before.

Fall.
The heat of the summer carried on into fall and we got to experience one of the most warmest and beautiful Indian summers on record. Almost over night, you had turned into a little human, sitting up, babbling and chatting away and holding your own bottle. You seemed to be quick at developing and very keen and eager to progress. You are not one to sit back and observe-- Not surprising looking at who made you, but so amazingly fascinating to watch you think and process and develop your thoughts into actions. You made many sounds and spoke your own little language, but by far the most common, and humorous was the Livvie growl. Perhaps it was the vibration feeling it made in the back of your throat, or simply the response you got from us. Regardless, it was hilarious and a staple in your daily repertoire. Otis continued to walk gingerly around you, still sensing that you were still delicate and little. Although some of his old character started to return and his sly, stealthy ways of stealing your stuffed animals commenced. He simply couldn't control his urge to taste a plush stuffed toy. Something we'll likely fight him on for years to come. On the flip side, look what he allowed you to get away with. Before the weather turned cold we managed to get in our long discussed girlsweek up at Daxi's cottage. It took hours of planning but well worth the relaxation that was to come. Okay, who's kidding who here? It was not relaxing at all! It was work. But it was good to be 'working' in another place. We walked the beach, drank wine and watched you girls as we always do, take in your surroundings. You never stopped moving, ever, and your new trick that week was rolling. You rolled all over that cottage floor -- under the table, around your bouncy chair, pretty much out the door! Nanners says you're going to be trouble one day. HA! Ain't that the truth. And just like that, as the fall came to an end, and the crisp air overruled the heat of the sun, you changed once again.

Winter.

In my mind, winter was a mix of many emotions. Something about this time of year always makes me pensive. I suppose it's a combination of many things, but in particular, this year caused me to be even more reflective as we were in the final days of my mat leave, of our year together. Made doubly reflective by the fact that I wasn't just wrapping up my first year with you, and with us as our new family, and all the other adjusting and readjusting that came along with it...but also an end to a year that I knew, I know, will never be repeated. Like anything, all great things come to an end, so as the year came to a close, I watched with even more eagerness, even more adoring eyes, every move, sound, and discovery you made. At Christmas time you learned to crawl. It made life all that more interesting, and kept me running, but it was also so terrific to watch you in action. You are such an adventure baby and you were beside yourself with joy when you actually figured out that you could MOVE! "Livvie on the Move" is what we said mostly in the month of December. Your world had changed forever, and off you went! Crawling and motoring across the carpet with determination and purpose. That's my Loulou. You always have a plan. The holiday season overall was wonderful. The three of us and Otis snuggled in our basement with a blazing fire...dinners and drinks with friends and families. Enough feasts to last us through to spring.

Today.

And here we are...it is your first birthday. You are one today. ONE. Never in my wildest dreams could I have guessed how much 12 months could change my life. Never in my deepest thoughts could I have imagined how much joy you could bring me. And now, just like that, life is about to change again. I swear I was pregnant with you yesterday. I swear I was just looking at you on that sonogram. I swear I was just changing your diaper for the first time. And yet, now, you are going to daycare. I am going back to work. And I have no idea what is around that corner. I am scared, I am sad, I am happy, I am relieved...but most of all I am proud. Proud to have survived year one with you. Proud of all of your mini-milestones. Proud that you have been able to start out life on the right foot. Proud that you are mine. Happy First Birthday my Loulou. I love you more than you know. I am always right here. We are always right here.

I love you, Mommy.

Happy Birthday Anabella!

2009-01-30T09:29:00.004-05:00

My Dear Sweet Bella Bells,

It's you BIRTHDAY!
How is it possible that today, you are ONE!?

The first time I saw you, you looked like this:

I remember coming to meet you in the hospital and holding you for the first time. I was so overwhelmed with joy I had tears streaming down my face. You are so beautiful Bella and I want you to know how much happiness you have brought into my life.

You see, you don't really know this yet, but over this past year your Mommy and I have spent quite a few days together. Oh, and nights too, if you count frantic text messaging! And so I've really gotten to know you. I'm so lucky. You are a smart, beautiful, strong, happy and cautious little one. You like to take it all in, assess the situation, then make your move. You are just like your Mommy in so many ways. At first you weren't too sure about me. You used to look me straight in the eye and glare at me. Heh. But I didn't take it personally. I knew I'd win you over! I want you to know that you are like a second daughter to me, I love you like my own little Livvie and I will always be here if you need me ok?

Well Happy Birthday my little Bells!
We love you!

xo
Auntie Em.

Double Digits.

2009-01-13T22:21:00.020-05:00

Hi Loulou!

Today is January 13, 2009. You are 10 and a half months old! Let's take a few minutes to see where things are at here. You are sleeping - the house is quiet. Daddy is watching the news and Otis is sleeping at the foot of our bed.

Sleeping. Yes. The question every parent loves to ask. You are still a wonderful sleeper. You go down like clockwork every night at 6:45 and wake up just before 7am. You chat and squeal happily in your crib until 7:15ish when Daddy heads off to work and we start our day. You have, however, become somewhat of a light sleeper. I'm really hoping this is a phase. Right now, every little creek in the house wakes you up, of course the hard wood floors don't help. You had a few unsettling teething weeks recently so I think that's the reason. Apart from that you're still on two solid naps a day and happy as can be! You have decided (like your Mommy) that sleeping on your belly is best and for a while we called you the wind-up doll because you'd fall asleep sitting up then hunch over like in the picture here. Your legs are right under your blanky just under your chin.

Teething. Livvie, you have 8 teeth! You are a teething machine and you are being so brave and tough about it. Your drooling has stopped temporarily, but you love to suck on your fingers and frozen wash clothes and well, despite my wishes you are still chewing on that crib rail. Please stop. Auntie Daxi says I should pick up a crib rail guard from Canadian Tire. Do I have to kid? Huh? Do I?

You are on the move!! I can't say that I was prepared for this. At. All. Not only are you crawling, but you have speeds! You have the Window Shopping Crawl. This is your casual saunter crawl where you take a few strides then plop back on your bum to check something out before moving on. Then there's the One Foot Crawl. This is your attempt at walking I think. It's one of your latest moves and it's hilarious to watch. You crawl forward then prop your right foot up on the floor and try to push upwards. You're not quite strong enough yet so you sit and bounce for a bit before pushing off to crawling again. You think it's funny too. And finally, the Turbo Crawl. This is the one I wasn't ready for. This is your way of getting the heck outta town quick! I can tell you this little one, you are coordinated! Those arms and legs are moving in syncopated rhythm faster then 5/4 time and you are outta there! You usually use this manoeuvre when you're getting ready to wind down for nap and/or bed time. It's your final burst of energy and shortly after this you usually lie flat out on the floor with your head into the carpet, letting out a few breaths of relief. No, I'm not kidding, you really do this! You're a little bit of an actress. I'll try to get this on film for your files ;).

While I wasn't ready for the Turbo Crawl, I can admit that I was also not prepared for your need and constant, that's right C-O-N-S-T-A-N -T desire to climb. All you want to do is climb. Anything. Stairs, filing cabinets, dresser drawers, walls. You're not Spider Woman hun, promise you're not and if you try to shimmy up the wall you will fall. You are so much like your Daddy it's amazing. I just love watching you explore. As soon as you're standing your eyes light up and you get the sly little grin on your face. I can only imagine what you're thinking. And for this reason, we have installed baby gates, light socket protectors, drawer stoppers, table corner pads and rubber bath mats. You Are ACTIVE. Enough said.

Words and Noises. When I ask you "What does a Doggy say?", you reply: "Rarararara". When I ask you "What does a cow say?", you reply: "oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh". And when I ask: "What does a Duck say?" you reply with a very high pitched: "duhduhduhduh". Needless to say you are very vocal. You have just started copying me. If I whistle, you respond with a high pitched "ah". If I whisper, you lean your head very close into me and smile. And when I make funny faces you laugh and make a kissing/popping sound with your mouth. I can see you trying to make sense of it all and it is truly amazing. You are so interested in the world around you and I'm so glad that you see the world with humour and smiles. You have a happy-go-lucky attitude and embrace the world with open arms. You are like me in this regard. Lastly, and everyone is pleased about this one, you still have your signature "Growl" that you like to incorporate into your daily babble as much as possible. You growl all the time kid and it's too funny!

We made it through our first cold together over Christmas. You had a few days of runny nose, watery eyes, sad nights and dry cough. You also had a mystery rash while up at Grampa's in Collingwood that appeared on your back, bum and thighs one morning. I was ready to rush you to emerge but within the hour after waking it was gone. We figure you had a little heat rash.

Celebrating your first Christmas was such a gift in itself. You have so many people that love you Olivia, you are so lucky. We spent time with all of your Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles and close friends. You had not one but 2 visits with Santa, both on the same day sorry about that, a little overwhelming but you hung in there! And by the end of the holidays, before you starting yelling at me (literally you were yelling at me, like this: Ahhhhhhhhh Mom, enough! Get these people out of my face and put me to bed!), you mastered the art of opening and ripping apart presents. The best fun in the world isn't it? I think Christmas morning this year was the best Christmas ever. It was spent, just the three of us and Otis, in the living room of our first house. So many firsts this past year my little Liv. Daddy and I sipped on Veuve and OJ while you played in the mess of crinkly wrapping papers and ribbons with Otis. It was magic.

There is so much more that you are doing on a daily basis and there truly isn't enough words in the world to tell you how much joy you bring to me and to your Daddy. We watch you every day and our hearts explode with happiness, pride and adoration for you. It breaks my heart to think that in a few short weeks things are going to change around here. Soon, I have to go back to work which means we won't be spending as much time together. I can only hope that I have given you a good start by being right beside you and that moving forward you know that I am always here for you. I am always right beside you Olivia Jane.

I love you,
Mommy.

9 months.

2008-11-23T22:49:00.005-05:00

Olivia Jane,

Today, you are nine months old.

For some reason, this is a big one for me. I don't know if it's because the number 9 is a bit symbolic? You were inside of me for 9 months and now you have been outside of me for the same amount of time. Maybe it's because you are 3/4 of a year old, and our time together just the two of us, before the world gets crazy again, is coming to an end. I don't even know where to start with your growth and development progression. You are doing so much all of a sudden it's already getting hard to write it all down!

You absolutely have a sense of humour. You can stop traffic with your smile and you have a laugh that is the most contagious I have ever heard. You love, love, LOVE to play peek-a-boo. I love to play it with you and so does your Daddy. It makes our day. You love it when you are sitting in your high chair and I leave the room and poke my head into the door way so you can see me. Then I run around to the dinning room door way and every time, you figure it out and laugh and squeal with delight! You laugh so hard and you throw your head back and close your eyes. You crack me up kid and usually I end up in tears because how of touching and innocent these games we all play together are.

Your Daddy, while we're on the topic, is truly the highlight of your day. (As you are to his). He is the first person you see every day. He goes into your bedroom the minute he wakes up to say good morning. And every morning, I listen to the two of you chatter away before he leaves for work; and I smile. I love listening to the two of you together. The second he walks in that front door your eyes look to him and you smile as wide as you can. Then you squeal with delight again and say DADA! Yes, you have been saying Dada for a long time now, but really and truly now understand that to you, that is his name. Daddy also likes to put you on his shoulders and spin you around while you grab onto the top of his head for dear life. This is usually when I leave the room and pray you don't go flying off his back. But you won't. He would never let that happen.

You are moving kid. You are so close, SO CLOSE to crawling! You are sitting up really well now, and although I still put pillows around you just in case, you aren't toppling over any more. The other day you pulled yourself up to sitting from lying flat on your back. I think you might have inherited your Auntie Aimee's abs cause that was pure acrobats girl! You were pretty surprised yourself, so I lay you back down on your back and sure enough, you did it again! This weekend I have asked your Daddy to lower your crib.

That same day you also said Mama. You have said it before, but this time you really meant it. You looked at me straight in the eyes and said: MAMA, and then shot me that killer side grin you have that you save for special moments. I call it the sly Livvie grin. You look at me out of the corner of your eyes, tuck in your bottom lip a little and smile. Then you said MAMA MAMA MAMA and started giggling. You little rascal!!

Things you know when I point to them are: Toes, Knees, Nose and Otis, of course. Mark my words, OTIS is going to be your first real word. You are starting to make the "OH" sound and although you haven't figured out how to point yet, your eyes dart to him whenever I say his name. You love music and you love it when I sing to you. You love "Head and Shoulders" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Skimadarinky-dinky-dink" and your very favourite, "Baah Baah Black Sheep". You sing along and clap your hands. You also love the piano. I try to play for you a little every day. I gather a few toys and plop you down on the rug while Otis lazes on the couch and I play. Usually I only get through a few pieces before you get bored, but the moment my fingers hit the keys you look up and smile and hum a little. Music is in you, my sweet.

Hand clapping. This is probably your trademark move for this month. You have dropped the scary monster "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" sound which I'm kind of sad about because it was absolutely hysterical, and replaced it with clapping. EVERYTHING is clapping worthy and as you clap you make a YAY sound. I feed you bananas, you clap. Otis walks into the room, you clap, I say BATH TIME! you clap.

Otis is your best friend by the way. He licks your face every time he sees you and just today, while you were practising your crawling moves you reached for his paws and giggled. You also like to pull his tail and hang onto his ears, and he is so very patient with you. He just stands there until you let go. Oh Otis.

I could go on for days my love, because every day is filled with so much fun. You bring so much joy to me and to your Daddy and our entire family. We are absolutely loving watching you grow.

Now. I do have one little request. I know you are teething, and your gums are really bothering you. But do you think you could not chew on your crib rails? It's not good for you, I am worried you'll get splinters, or worse, and Otis doesn't need to be encouraged anymore then he already is! Thanks.

I love you so very much,
Mommy.

Refelction

2008-11-12T19:49:00.008-05:00

Livvie, right in front of my eyes you have gone from this:

to this:

It's hard to believe that you are 8 months old.
You are beautiful and you are happy. I can't believe how much you have grown and changed already. Don't ever forget that you are an incredible gift to us. Don't ever forget how important you are to us. Don't ever forget how happy you make us. And don't ever forget to be yourself, always.

love, Mommy.

True Blue

2008-10-26T19:40:00.001-04:00

I was in grade 6. Mrs. Ramsay's class. It was a french immersion split and she taught the English, History, Geography and Arts portion. We focused on Arts about 90% of the time. She was a terrific teacher and she had somehow managed to talk the Principal into letting her purchase a singing machine. It was on that very singing machine that I recorded myself singing for the first time. And that first song was TRUE BLUE by Madonna. I can still hear my little voice (I recorded it onto a tape and would listen to it in my room along with Barbara Streisand's Memories which I also recorded. Terrible by the way. So terrible) singing over hers:

"I've heard all the lines,
I've cried oh so many times,
Those tear drops they won't fall again,
I'm so excited cause you're my best friend!"

I wore blue eyeliner, I tried ever so hard to tease my dead straight baby fine hair, I traded jelly shoes with my girlfriend, I owned a beige vest that I wore over my white t-shirt and I had (extremely) untamed eyebrows. I was 10 gimme a break!

As she progressed and grew, so did I. Her lyrics echoing her fashion in a statement of their own. Sex, Freedom, the guts to give her opinion and stand behind it without shame, the courage to say FUCK YOU and live through the consequences, the gift to keep us talking and listening for almost 3 decades. The break ups, the mishaps, the rumours, the pregnancies, the newest Hit single hitting the charts, the dance moves, the attitude. I used to dream I was her up on stage. I used to dream about singing into bright lights with crowds screaming for more more more!

Last Sunday I saw her in concert for the third time with my bff Dax. Over drinks before the show we realized that this was the first time we were out together since pre baby, sans baby. Holy Shit are you kidding me? 2 years since we cut some rug and let loose? So that is exactly what we did. Now, more then ever before in my life I have learned to cherish things. Moments. Minutes. It has never been more clear to me the value of time. Needless to say we were two of the most rambunctious, loudest, happiest and "in the moment" women at the concert. We danced, we sang, we screamed, we cheered, we held hands like little girls and jumped up and down, we celebrated.

Sometimes life can wrap you up so tight you don't even realize you need to shake loose. Sometimes it takes something out of the ordinary to make you stop and listen. Thank you Mrs. Ramsay for teaching me to open up and sing; thank you Madonna for your inspiration; thank you Dax for being right beside me.

Bad Bad Mommy, cont'd...

2008-10-03T23:21:00.004-04:00

Back. Where was I? Right...nap times.

You're kinda slowing down on the napping kid and I'm here to tell you I'm not all that pleased. You still have a good snooze in the pm, but your morning naps are becoming a thing of the past. 30 minutes doesn't really cut it.

Hungies!
You are an eating machine and you already have strong opinions on your likes and dislikes. You absolutely hate hate hate broccoli. I have tried a few times to give it to you and you just plain hate it. You scrunch your face and shake your head and spit it out at me. Wondering if you're trying to tell me something? Speaking of spitting, this is another thing you are doing lately, for the attention I might add. You like to spit! You make zerbert sounds and you spit. And your favourite time to do this is when you're eating! Ask your Auntie Daxi one day and she'll tell you about the time you sprayed food all over her kitchen table. Not a good way to win points with Auntie Daxi kid. Trust....

Apart from broccoli, you really are not that picky...yet. You love cheese, just tried a tomato and basil with cheese puree and you loved it. You also like yogurt. And so far? No crazy food reactions. Phewf!!

Olivia you are an absolute joy my love. I am cherishing every moment we spend together. You are bright and beautiful and Daddy and I love you so so so much.

I'll be back soon to write more about your growth story. For now, just try to cool your jets a bit - we have a little more renovating to do before you start crawling.

I love you,
Mommy.

Bad Mommy....bad bad Mommy!!

2008-09-30T09:32:00.002-04:00

Oh Olivia I am so sorry. I should be more diligent with keeping up to date on your amazing and wonderful growth story. Finding the time is tough but that's no excuse. Bad Bad Mommy ;)

You just turned 7 months old and wow! Every time I sit down to write about you and all of your recent discoveries I just can't believe that it's possible. How is it possible that you have changed so much? I am just so proud of you and thank my lucky stars every day that I am able to spend this precious time with you. Before we all know it I will be back at work and we will be living very differently then we are now, so I want you to know that I cherish every day and waking moment that I spend with you. These are very special days Olivia and I hope that I'm making them as fun for you as they are for me.

Here's what you've been up to lately:

Livvie on the move.
Not only are you sitting up all on your own but you are about 30 seconds away from crawling! We just got back from a week (ok 4 days) up at Auntie Mia's cottage where you decided that sitting wasn't good enough. Thanks to Auntie Mia who helped you along a bit, you are now very interested in reaching for things that are on the ground in front of you. You will not give up as you reach for the toy until you topple over sideways with that big toothy grin of yours. Soon little beans, that reach will lead to a crawl and you will be moving. You are pretty much out of your bouncy chair too. You've learned how to sit upright in it and lean forward almost enough to topple forward, taking the chair with you. You also learned how to do this at the cottage this week. Must be that Ipperwash air, as Nanners says.

When you are on the ground lying on your back, you roll and roll and roll until something bigger than you, like furniture or walls, stops you. The point I'm trying to make here Liv is that you are on the move!! No more free time for Mommy cause you are, from now on, officially on the go. I'm both sad and exstatic about this. Sad because you are no longer able to give me a moment of free time (selfish) and exstatic because you are learning already how to be independent and how to explore and discover. From the beginning I knew you would be very curious and active. There doesn't seem to be a lot of cautious thinking for you - you just want to GO GO GO!!! Oh lord, what am I in for?? :):)

I'd like to buy a vowel please?

You are babbling kid! Dada and Yaya are your favourites. And the other day I swear you said A-E-I-O-Uuuuuuu! Also, you are mimicking. Big time. It is one of the cutest things you do! Your favourite is "Ah ah ah ah ahhhhhhhhhh......". You sound like count Dracula on Sesame Street, although you have never heard him before. And you are so proud when you make that sound - your eyes light up and your smile stretches across your entire face. Oh you are such a happy baby.

...and you are awake...again...nap times, shall we get on to nap times?

Eek! I'll be right back...

Auntie Dax is 33!

2008-09-21T09:35:00.000-04:00

Dear Duder,

So today is your birthday. Kinda different from all the others eh? Well...actually last year was probably different too cause you were knackered and so ill you weren't drinking any cold ones. But here it is, and I'm gonna lay it on the line for you just in case you need some clarity. Today you are 33. It's a pretty age. The number is nice to write or type, it's aesthetically pleasing to look at, there is symmetry...you like symmetry. Numerologically speaking it doesn't do much for you but let's not push it. I think it's important to remind you of a few things that you were up to this time last year, just to keep things in perspective.

This time last year you were preggers. We've already covered that. Preggers and sick. Sick sick sick. I couldn't tell you if you actually had a birthday dinner or if you celebrated or oh...wait...yessssssss.......the chili.....your parents. Ok RIGHT because I bought you a scarf. I knew it would fit. Heh. Well the point here is that you were preggers and I was preggers and so it was a very different birthday. I mean it wasn't no 'hit the slots in Vegas' or 'down some Hawaiian mushrooms' ya know? By the way, and I think I covered this last year too...why the hell are we always travelling on your birthday? Do you know how stressful it is to try and figure out presents that travel well? Sheesh.

This time last year you were not yet a Mother. This has obviously changed your life dramatically - I don't need to get into it - but good to point out.

This time last year you were working a 9 to 5 (ok let's be real 10-4ish) job. Hmm, best not to bring that up either, it's your birthday after all.

This time last year we talked about what our world would look like in a year from now and here we are. With babies. B-A-B-I-E-S. Daughters no less! I can't think of a better plan. I can't think of a more wonderful way to have spent this last year sharing all of our fears and panics and thoughts and dreams and fears and panics and joys. You bring so much joy into this world and I thank you for being here and for being my best friend. (Might also thank the Lotts seeing as how it's really her doing. heh.)

Because I refuse to make you cry on your birthday this year (unless you are already - yep you are) I thought I'd leave you with this. This, as you know, is what it's all boiled down to. Our baby girls and how many different ways we can make people smile through them. Olivia and I are smiling at you today and saying Happy Birthday Dax!

I love you.

Question.

2008-09-08T20:10:00.006-04:00

How long do you wanna be loved?
Is forever enough is forever enough.
How long do you wanna be loved?
Is forever enough cause I'm never never giving you up.

Some days more then others, I find myself simply in awe at the creation that I have been lucky enough to be a part of. Today is one of those days. Maybe it's because it's quiet right now. She is asleep. The house is in order. The huzb is reading. The dog is at my feet. Or maybe it's because I had a great day with an old and best friend. Or maybe it's all of the above. Regardless, it is days like today that I think about the lyrics in this song and wonder how is it possible to love my baby girl any more then I do right this very moment. And just how, am I supposed to ever be expected to let go?

and then there were two...

2008-08-10T22:56:00.002-04:00

Hi Liv!

Holy cow you have had a crazy week!! Today you are 24 weeks old. Today you cut your second, that's right your SECOND tooth! What in the world am I feeding you? Well I'll tell you. You are eating formula (6 oz. bottles 5 times a day) and you are eating two tablespoons of brown rice cereal in the morning. This isn't enough for you all of a sudden because you are waking up at night alot. I'd say it's your teeth waking you up but you're not fussing. You're looking to play. Whenever you act like this I find that if I increase your bottle or food intake, you settle again. That said, you have been sleeping like a dog lately, but I contribute that to your teeth and perhaps a growth spurt.

This week you have also started to make really funny faces. You have discovered the ability to crinkle your nose. I think you must be copying me cause I know I make a face similar to yours when I see something cute. Considering I stare at you all day and you are cute, well, do the math kiddo. You're turning into a copy cat. You have also figured out how to blow air out of your nose. You think it's pretty hilarious and so you do it alot. Like, so much so that I am almost convinced you have an alergy to the dog. Oh God tell me you are not really alergic to Otis. That would suck. I mean really suck. Anyway this nose thing of yours? Maybe you could park it for a bit just so I know it's in your control and not because your nose is really itchy.

Let's see....what else have you started doing this week? Oh. Heh. You have taken to screaming at the top of your lungs. You scream so loud it hurts my ears. You lie on your back and fill your lungs with air, open your eyes as wide as they can go and let out huge vocal shrills. I think you are singing. The neighbours think you get your fingers stuck in the car door - alot. You are sitting up for very small moments without my help and you are happiest now facing the world upright, as opposed to being on your back. Mostly, unless you are in your crib kicking around with your mobile, you hate being on your back.

This week we went to the park and played on the swings for the very first time. You. Love. To. Swing. I forsee many trips to parks with swings. Perhaps I even foresee trips to ToysRUs for swings. Your face lit up like a Christmas tree and you screamed and begged for more. So cute. There I go again, crinkling my nose.

Finally, you grew again. No surprise. But um...you're starting to get expensive. I'd really like to hold out until fall before I buy you any more pants so slow down!!!

Well Livvie, you have seemed to settle down after your evening bottle and unsheduled play time in your crib. Let's call it a night. Thank you for such a terrific and exciting week.

I love you,
Mommy.

Mother Pride

2008-08-01T15:02:00.011-04:00

I am so unbelievably over the top with emotion I don't know if I can explain it all that well. I am warm and tingly all over. I am bubbling with emotions of happiness and sadness and pride and happiness and more happiness. That feeling that has, since the birth of Olivia, taken over all the other emotions that I have ever known. That feeling, can be none other explained as Mother Pride. It's that feeling I got the first time Olivia smiled at me. That feeling I felt the first time she recognized my voice. That feeling I felt the first time she reached out to touch my face. That feeling I relished in the first time she giggled. That feeling I wait for at first glimpse in the morning from her crib when I peek into her bedroom. Well, today is another one of those remarkable days where I get to indulge in that feeling because today, my baby girl cut her first tooth!

This morning started off as an ordinary morning. Liv squaking happily in her crib waiting for me to pop my head in and get the day started. After a quick play on the change table and a Poopy diaper change, we headed down for breakfast. Recently, Liv has been a little fussy pants when it comes to taking her bottle. She's always been the guzzling type so after a few time of her pushing the bottle away after only an ounce or two and refusing to drink, I hit the net. After weeding through all the standard self-diagnostic bullshit like: Your daughter could be experiencing early signs of anorexia BE WORRIED, and, Try gripe water Good Luck!, I found some reading info on teething and some of the obvious (duh why didn't I think of this?) signs of teething such as: Refusing to take a bottle. Check. Irritability. Check. .Drooling. Double Check (Step aside Niagara). Coughing. Check. (Sounds like she's been hackin' darts for 30 years). Biting and Gnawing. Check. (Puts Otis to shame). Ear Rubbing. This is a big one. Check. Check and Check. Okay -- my girl is teething, I get it, I get it!

So, I thought little of it this morning when she only drank 3 of her regular 6 oz. bottle. Besides, we have recently started on solids and figured maybe she was filling up. She had no problem packing in the baby rice cereal that's for sure! After breakfast, we played for about 35 seconds before she was rubbing her tired little eyes with her fists. Hmm....you've only been up for an hour. I thought it a little odd, but hey she's just a baby. I put her down for her morning nap an hour earlier then normal and hit the shower. Noni (Mother in Law from Heaven!) was on her way over to relieve me for the day. Tonight is date night! Yessssssss.......restaurants and real conversation with the Huzb and popcorn and a movie too!

Noni arrived and I ran for the door, I think I said goodbye. Off to run some errands, get a quick visit in with Dax and Bells before they hit the cottage for that's right, 10 days (not happy) and even managed to sneak in a quick pedi. Back at home. Time to relax a bit and take advantage of the day. Maybe I'll go do some gardening. Maybe I'll take a nap. Maybe I'll take a loooooong shower and shave my legs. It is date night after all. Decided. Am going to change, sit in sun for half hour then go have a shower and get ready.

Why, it dawned on my all of a sudden, is Liv so cranky right now? I peek into the living room where Noni is feeding her. She's shoving the bottle out of her hands and turning her head from side to side. Wow I say, that's aggressive. She's teething Noni replies. Hmm Mmm...how come she didn't need the Internet to tell her that? Noni sticks her hand into Liv's mouth and her (Noni) jaw nearly dropped down to the floor and her (still Noni) eyes nearly popped out of her head. OH MY GOD! She explained. Have you felt this? I run over to them and shoved my hand into Liv's mouth. What? What, have I felt what? I ran my finger across her bottom gum line. I do it all the time. I did it this morning. But this time it was scratchy. I screamed and cried all at the same time. I looked at Noni who was also screaming and then shoved my hand back into Livvie's mouth. Are you serious? Did she really just cut her first tooth? Like right now? I'm not sure I'm ready for this! She has a tooth coming in? She has a tooth coming in!

We brought her up to her bedroom and put her down on her change table to do a thorough inspection. Livvie, patiently, allowed me to open her mouth and check out her gum line and sure enough, there it was. The littlest most precious white sliver of a tooth peaking up through the gum line, like the top of a snow capped mountain just barely visible through the clouds. I broke down and ran around in circles then called the Huzb to tell him our little girl might as well enroll in college because she's all grown up. Then I called Dax and she told me next thing you know Olivia will be getting her period! We laughed and then we cried.

Olivia Jane you are growing so quickly it takes my breath away. Your first tooth. A 'special day' as my grandmother used to say.

workin' it.

2008-07-30T23:43:00.004-04:00

I'm really trying to get fit again. I've taken a solid year off and that's about enough. In fact, it's the longest I have gone in as long as I can remember without any regular physical regime. When I was a child I was urged to take part in extra-curricular activities. My Mom chose ballet and piano. I happened to love both. So, for a very long time I was dancing twice a week (in my early teens before I decided to become a complete shithead I was dancing 4 days a week) and piano lessons at lunch once a week until Grade 8. I suddenly got lazy, stopped practicing, new I couldn't be the best I wanted to be so quit. Broke my parent's hearts but that wasn't the first or the last time for that either.

In University I tried going to the gym a few times, but that meant dedication and so instead I partied my ass off and danced til sunrise alot. I figure the amount of calories and sweat I was burning made up for the amount of toxins going into my body. Kinda wrong, but it got me through. In my twenties I dated a guy who hit the gym pretty hard every day so I did too. I weight trained and did all that circuit trainig shit. I got a little bulky but my waist stayed trim. I liked lifting weights. It was a very good agression killer for me. I coupled that with a weekly yoga class that taught me how to deal with my anxiety. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, that yoga class saved my life. But then I quit my job and moved out west. Out west I learned that pretty much all activities take place outside, rain or shine. And I'm here to tell you that rain happened alot more then shine. So I picked up some rain gear and started running. I fell in love. I found an activity that gave me the best of all the previous execise worlds I'd been in. Music on the MP3 made me feel like dancing. The endophins kicking in allowed for my aggression to release. My mind would empty like in final shivasina. I got pretty good. I even ran a 10k. My body got extremely lean and my face had never before been more slender and structured. Secret - I am vain.

I moved back home and got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Olivia. And although I did a handful of pre-natal pilates I don't consider that counting as any form of true excersize, albeit was an absolute joke watching me even try to get down on the mat. I found it frustrating more then anything, but Dax was there and we laughed a helluvalot so it made it ok. Anyone sensing a theme here? I don't like to half ass things and if I think that's going to be the outcome I usually bail. I'm a perfectionist and I am driven. I am also happiest when in shape.

Dax started this Baby and Me fitness program a while ago so she and Bella could have something to do. Goals. She's good at that. She's the planner and the organizer. I pushawd it at first but then became a little more interested when we talked about going swimming with the girls. I'm not the Mommy Group type. I find alot of it fake and full of what I label the extreme Mommies - super feminist or super June fucking Cleaver. I'm neither. However, the chance to get into the pool with our little ones and splash around to some pretty bad 90's gay anthems sounded appealing so I went for it. And we bombed. Little Liv is still a little too small for the enlarged rubber ducky dingy. Her shoulders slip down and she's not holding her own quite enough yet. We spent the class (ok this was the second shot at it) in the corner outside of the rest of the group blowing bubbles and swooshing around in circles. She had fun for a little while until she got tired and hungry. Then all hell broke loose. Like her Mother, when she is hungry the world must stop until she is fed. It's an unfourtunate trait - it means you usually have to carry food on you at all times, or at least a fiv'r so you can hit the nearest variety store for a candy bar - but she's still too young for that. Whatever, this comes with the territory. But really? It's a bit of a production.

So, tomorrow I'm trying Stroller Fit. This is a cardio class that takes place in one of Toronto's many parks. You push your baby in the stroller up and down hills and look like a complete jackass I'm sure. But apparently it's a pretty good workout. Here's hoping. The instructions on the website say meet at the bench beside the snack bar. At least I got that covered!

Big Firsts

2008-07-26T09:11:00.006-04:00

I've made a decision. I'm getting off Facebook. I'm over it. Everybody knows that it's an outlet for spying, it caters to the voyeur of which I take a great deal of pleasure in, not really to get back in touch with people, but that's not why I'm ending it. It's TOO MUCH WORK. Can't handle the pressure of posting and updating and labelling and tagging anymore. I have a very active 5 month old baby. When she sleeps I get things done. She is sleeping less. This way, I will be able to focus my attention here, where I should be spending time documenting such wonderful memories as this:

Olivia Eats.

This morning I woke up and thought yup - it's Saturday. It's July 26th. Liv is 5 months old. Let's EAT! Huzb was crashed on the couch from an accidental bender with the neighbours the night before. I stumbled downstairs with the babe to heat liquids. This is the routine around here lately. Heat Bottle. Put on coffee. Feed Otis. Fill up water bowl. So many liquids I think to myself.

Liv had recently been on a hunger strike. I'm convinced she's teething. Her little gums are red and I can feel a rigid line across her bottom gumline. She's been pulling at her ears and a little more cranky then usual. Could it be teeth so soon? Already? Not today, we're already doing one new thing. This morning she took her bottle with no fuss at all. Hmm...all that striking has caught up. After a failed attempt at burping I but her back into her bouncey chair and warmed up a little extra formula to mix her cereal. I think I read the box 45 times. Dax told me this is the cereal she and Scarbs use. It's brown rice. It's organic. Holy fuck there are so many things to think about. So overwheleming. Best to just run with it. I tbsp of cereal to 2 tbsp of formula. Check. I already have the formula.

Livvie is bouncing in her chair with vigour. She LOVES this chair. Too bad she's growing out of it. The other day she cut the back of her heel from banging her feet against the rim of th chair. Man they don't lie when they say they grow fast. Must keep up written memories. Back to the cereal. I call Huzb from the hallway and let him know that we're about to try solids. He comes running with camera and big dazed smile. He's such a good Dad.

Is anybody Hungies?? Big smiles from Liv who has also recently taken to high pitched squeels and low grunts. Really trying to cover all the animal sounds right off the bat. She can imitate a monkey and a lion! The actual feeding of the cereal was so fun. And she was pretty good. As expected she got most of it on her face. But I can tell already that she's good with the spoon. She immitated me when I opened my mouth wide and squeeled with delight when the new substance was shoved into her mouth. Eating. Never really thought so much about it before. It's kind of hard! Lots of coordination to figure out.

So here she is, my little Liv, having succeeded another milestone so soon. She's Eating. She's growing. She's so happy. I need a highchair.

Dance Party

2008-06-22T22:00:00.000-04:00

Me and Sugs spend alot of time together and sometimes get a little crazy! Mostly cause Mom tries to keep Sugs happy during the time that leads up to Bath Time Power Hour and Bed. If she isn't entertained, she's a mess. So here we are getting creative with the baby bjorn - A little salsa in the living room never hurt nobody...right Otis?

I might have thought to close the blinds...ahhhh whatevs.

My Little Sweet 16.

2008-06-18T12:45:00.004-04:00

Wow. We have been engulfed by the capsule of time over here.

Lots has been happening little one. You are growing beautifully and every day I take incredible pleasure in watching the very littlest things you do. You are such a happy baby and we are having so much fun together learning and growing. You are teaching me as I am teaching you. You are showing me what it's like to slow down a little. Your innocence is addictive. Your smile is contagious. Your eyes big and bright are full of wonder for the world around you and everything you still have yet to see and learn. You are starting to sit up and roll around on your back and hold your little toes in your hands. Your silent squeels will soon turn into hearty laughs full of thrill. In the morning you speak softly and you smile as we whisper secrets from our dreams. You like to watch your hands. You love to hold onto fingers. For 16 weeks I think you are coping quite well with the world. You sleep through the night, you cry when you want something, and your poo is green. All things point to progression my little one! Every day that goes by, which by the way, all seem to be the same right now, yup that's right a little bit of groundhog day here but that's alright, you melt my heart a little more.

perfect 10!

2008-05-06T09:08:00.004-04:00

Olivia is 10 weeks old! Happy and Awake!

9.6

2008-05-03T22:51:00.002-04:00

Hi Liv! So I’ve been meaning to get started on this now for about 9 weeks but have been a little busy getting to know you and so I have been storing all the wonderful memories we have created already in my brain long enough to find 4 seconds to type. Here we are, the day before you turn 10 weeks old, and I’m just getting around to it. You will learn that your Mommy is like this. She plans a lot of stuff in her head then gets it all done in bursts.

So, here goes. The first 9 weeks with you have been nothing short of fantastic. You have turned my world and your Daddy’s world upside down and we are loving every minute of it. Well. Ok. I’m not going to lie to you. Some day I’ll tell you all about your ability to cry and bring your Mommy to tears right along with you. You seem to have a bit of a cranky pants period in the late afternoon. You scream your face off usually for 2 hours. Apparently its normal and you have a lot of gas. More on that later. Wow! You’ve grown so much already in your short life. You have long legs and long slender hands. Your features are lean but not lanky, and you’ve started to get a little chunky in your thighs and cheeks. You are beautiful and you are perfect, absolutely perfect. Your eyes are piercing deep sea blue. Sometimes they look almost purple. They are exquisite. Your Aunties have big blue/green eyes as does your Daddy – it’ll be interesting to see how yours change, or stay the same. You are alert, you look at me, straight into my eyes. I know you know my voice because when I speak to you you look at me and smile. Mostly. Unless of course, you are hungry or have a poopy pants. But that’s ok , I understand -I’d cry too. You have started to discover your surroundings. You know Daddy too. When he says Hi Bebe! You look at him and you smile. This makes me happy. I love it when your Daddy talks to you and when you smile at him. Those are super precious moments to me. You are a very observant little girl. You are happy to sit quietly and watch and observe your surroundings. You like to observe and you like to study your surroundings. You like to take it all in. You also like to kick your legs!! Your very favourite thing to do right now is lie on your change table while I sing to you and kick your legs straight out in front of you. You also like to raise them straight up in the air – you’re working your abs already little bean! My favourite time of day with you is first thing in the morning, right after your 8am feeding. I perch you up on a pillow on my legs and we stare at each other and talk about our plans for the day. You like to gaze at things in our bedroom, you especially like the TykeLight night light. It’s green and you love to follow it with your eyes. This is the time of day that we also like to practice your head and neck moves. You are trying oh so hard to hold up your head and you are doing just great! You love to sit up, your face lights up and you smile from ear to ear. You’re getting there. But no need to rush. It’ll come soon enough. You have discovered that you have hands. You love to suck on your right fist, this tells me you might be right handed as you also have a very strong tendency to move your head to the right and face the right. Yep. You’re right handed for sure. We’ll see on that one. You are starting to drool a little. It’s so cute and you like to blow little bubbles. You are starting to make sounds, you are cooing and gurgling and most adoringly, you are starting to learn how to laugh. I have it on video so one day you will see just how darn cute you sound. Right now you have two laughs actually. You have the excited hiccup laugh and the silent smiley laugh. I love them both. You haven’t quite discovered Otis, your furry Brother, yet. He loves you and gives you kisses on your feet whenever he has the chance.

I could go on for days writing about all the wonderful and exciting things that are happening to you right now. But it’s late and I need some rest. You are starting to stay awake for longer periods during the day! You are keeping me very busy my little Liv. So on the eve of your 10week birthday I say this to you: You are doing great and I am so proud of you. Hang in there cause right now you have a lot of gas and belly pain - I hope our early morning cuddles where I rub your belly to keep you calm help you a little. I wouldn’t trade this time I spend with you for anything in the world.

You are all things precious to me Olivia. I love you, your Mama.

Slivers of sanity!

2008-04-25T17:31:00.011-04:00

While Olivia continues to grow and explore her vocal chords and expand her lung capacity I often find myself locked in a closet with my lap top watching these videos as reassurance that truly, there is a reason I did this.

O's 2 minute workout:

Livie's Happy and She Knows It!

Happy Milk Coma

the Witching Hour

2008-04-16T22:22:00.002-04:00

Help. HELP! I am reaching out to ask for your advice. I was in denial that my little bean was one of the poor unlucky babies to suffer from this very common (I'm told) trait of - yes people - unconsolable uncontrolable crying. I am here to tell you that it is horrible. It is heartwrenching. It is a wonder I'm not a full on drug addict already!!! Every night for the past 5 days on or around 5pm sharp, Livie kicks in to full on crying episodes that last until 8:30 pretty much on the nose. Some call it Witching Hour, (I'm too tired to explain what this is so just google it if you can't figure it out) others call is Colic. I don't care who calls it what I need some solutions! And no, throwing her out the window does not qualify.

Anyone? I'm exhausted over here.

PS She is sleeping right now and so cute. SO SO SO Cute. Must remember this tomorrow at 5.

6 week hump

2008-04-09T11:04:00.006-04:00

So everyone kept telling me "don't worry, the first 6 weeks with a newborn is the hardest", "once you hit the 6 week mark you're in the clear". I'm here to tell you this is yet another lie that people tell you when you have had a baby. Whoever chose this 6 weeks benchmark as a guideline for being in the so-called clear is a) not a Mother, b) someone who is trying to talk someone else into becomming a mother c) a liar d) has mommmy-amnesia. These are the people who have already been through the newborn stage and have forgotten all the shit you actually go through.

Today, Olivia is 7 weeks old! I have been trying to write this post since last Sunday when she turned 6 weeks old! But, because the 6 week hump is a lie, I've been unable to complete it til now. Right now my prcious little princess is taking her third nap of the day. Oh, wait, no, no she is not. She is now grunting which means she is waking up for the 3 pm feeding. I'll make this quick then. Let's take a look at what we've discovered over the past 7 weeks together with Olivia.

Sleep. Olivia is a great sleeper. All she needs is a swaddle, soother and a little white noise and mostly, she's down for the count. I'm lucky that so far, she doesn't freak out when I leave the room (sorry Bella, you're guilty of this one!). Olivia has recently started to skip a feeding at night, so she sleeps from 10-2am, then up again at 5, then again at 9. Party. The middle of the night feeds are a killer. She screams her face off for about 20 minutes and refuses to latch. It's really not fun for anyone. But we're managing!

Smiles. Olivia is a great smiler. She's been smiling for weeks now as per my last post, but now she reallly puts on a show for me and Dad, and anyone else who says the word SMILE to her and looks right into her eyes while saying so. This, in itslef, is enough to melt anyone's heart. Her big blue eyes and big smile makes you completely forget what she's like when she's screaming bloody murder. This leads me to my next point.

Crying. Olivia, bless her, has found her cry. I really thought in the early weeks I'd lucked out and had created a little person who would just coo and whine when she wanted something. Not so. Seems as though Liv has her Mother's lungs and as of late, she has located the perfect pitch to drive me to insanity - and she now excercises it on a regular basis. Olivia, as perfect as she is, likes to cry. On the flip side, she really does have a beautiful voice. A singer in the making perhaps?

Tears. Oh my, this was a hard one to swallow the first time I witnessed it. Olivia has tear ducts and they work. The other day she cried and tears popped out of her perfect little eyelids. I just stared at her and cried right back. I've been told that when I was a baby I had tears that could pop out of my eyes and fly across the room. She clearly gets this from me too.

Witching Hour. I've heard about it. I thought it was a crock of shit. It's not. At 5pm sharp for exaclty 2 hours, Olivia screams, cries, wiggles, shrieks, and sheds many tears. At 7pm it's over. It's freaky. It's horrible. It's just a phase. Right?

Hands. Olivia has found her hands! She is satrting to figure out that there is more to life then boob, although not much, and likes to suck on her fist. It is probably one of THE cutest things she does. That, and playtime on her favourite play mat. If you have a baby and you don't have the Tiny Love musical play mat go buy it. Olivia spends hours on her back batting and kicking at all the little colourful do-dads. Her favourite is the musical triangle that plays POP GOES THE WEEZLE and other tunes that are now permanently tatooed on my brain. So what, I say, it keeps her happy and quiet.

So this has taken me so long to write we are now mid-way through week 7 and barely surviving. Yes, yes, it is true, week 7 is worse then week 6. But because I was smart and got knocked up just after my BFF, she tells me week 8 is awesome. If she's lying I'll kill her.

Hey - you just smiled at me!

2008-04-04T21:22:00.002-04:00

The other morning I was burping Olivia and wondered when she was going to start smiling. And no, I'm not talking about the gas-smile. I'm talking about the full-fledged reactionary smile. One that is brought on by recognized emotion. After the burping session was over I decided to have a little chat with O about smiles. Olivia, I said...can you SMILE for MOMMY? S-M-I-I-I-I-L-E! I squeeled in a soft high pitched voice. Olivia SMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILE! I did this about 10 times while staring into her eyes. She was in one of her super quiet alert states where you can literally see her taking everything in around her. She gets like this about 3 times a day now. It's pretty amazing to watch her. You can just tell she is soaking it all in. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes (i wonder if they'll change?) and gave me the biggest most purest smile i have ever seen. It's permanently tattooed on my brain. Hey! You just smiled at me! I tried it again figuring it was a fluke and she just took a shit in her pants or something. Olivia, SMIIIIIIIIILE!!!!! The books say this is when they start to smile but really and truly, can she hear me in there? Does she actually understand me? I looked at her and she looked at me and she smiled again. HOLY CRAP! This is crazy! Are we really communicating? Olivia, SMIIIILE! Another one. Three in a row! She gets it! She knows what I'm saying! Or she likes the sound of my voice. The books say they start to mimic facial expressions at this stage. I remember this and create an O with my mouth and stick my tongue out at her. Slowly. Then I wait for her reaction. She is looking right at me and makes an O with her mouth and sticks her tongue out at me. OH MY GOD!!! This is incredible!! This is truly incredible. I could sit here all day and do this. In fact I would have, but she soon got bored and started to cry MORE BOOB PLEASE MOM.

Wow. And she is only 5 1/2 weeks old. I'm going to be beside myself when she starts to talk.

weighing in

2008-04-02T21:46:00.001-04:00

We went to the doctor's this morning for a weigh in to see what kind of growht progress we'd made over the last 2 weeks. Because Liv was 6.1 at birth, we just want to make sure she's gaining and eating and progressing and well...on track so they say. At 3 weeks she was just shy of 7 pounds. Today, at 5 weeks and 3 days, Olivia Jane is at a whopping 8 pounds! She gained over a pound in 2 weeks! This made me so happy I welled up with tears and clapped my hands at the doctors. HOLY CRAP I screamed out loud as we read the scale. She is 8 pounds? This explains why she is popping out of her sleepers. Although sad to say that Liv has grown out of her first round of newborn sleepers, I'm so pleased! Way to go kid -- this also explains why my breasts are ready to fall off! It's Ok, I forgive you!

It's always Good to be Friday!

2008-03-22T02:55:00.000-04:00

There are a few monumental things that occurred on this particular Friday that I feel I have to mention. And no, sorry to all you avid catholics et al., I am not referring to the guy on the cross.

Defining myself as a mother takes transitioning, time and patience. Like, for example, right now I'm typing with my left hand while pumping breast milk with my right. Who'da thought this would be me? Also something interesting to note and completely off topic, did you know your thought patterns change when typing in a manner other then you are used to? it's harder to process easily flowing thoughts because you are so focused on the task of typing. Try it.

Ok forget that shit, put pump down, back to two hands, that was really frustrating!

So, in honour of all things being GOOD today, (again, sorry catholics, I still don't get why you guys call this day good if it's so sad in your world?) here are a few highlights from today that made this Friday especially good and notable of putting down in the books.

1. I had 4 hours of sleep in a row. This is huge. 12 - 4am.

2. Olivia did not throw up all over me during her 4am feeding. This too, is huge, it means I only had to half wake up.

3. I pumped 2 oz. of breast milk in under 5 minutes!! I am officially in the "Let Down" club. And no, I will not explain this. If you are a mother, or have an inquisitive mind, you'll know. Anyway, it's a huge frickin' deal and I can now see freedom peeking it's head around my front door!

4. Daddy gave Livie her first bottle AND she didn't throw up. DOUBLE WHAMMY!!!!

5. I, for the first time in over 5 weeks, or maybe even 6, put on a pair of thong underwear. Bliss!

6. We went out for dinner and drinks at my sister-in-laws for Huzby's birthday and Olivia was an absolute gem. No tears. No cries. Just a sweet little happy face in a brand new party dress. We were out for 5 hours. I had a glass of wine. I am almost human again.

7. To add to point 6 and because of point 7, I put on makeup for the first time in over a month. This may not seem like a big deal, but I really and truly honestly forgot that I had such nice eyelashes! Mascara. Who knew?

8. I drove the car home and was happy to do so. Google "Rules on Healing with a C Section" for more info. Apparently you're not allowed to do a fucking thing for 6 weeks. Ass. I'm at week 4 and am cancelling the rules. Cancelled.

9. Otis did not eat anything he should not have today.

10. The sun was shining all day and we went for a nice family walk. Even if this were to have been the only thing to come out of today, it would have been enough. I consider the last 9 points bonus rounds. Walking in sunshine with the family is better then chocolate.

A Life Lesson

2008-03-19T11:39:00.026-04:00

I was pretty sure that Otis would adjust quickly to our newest addition to the family. For all of his crazy lab-like characteristics - the couch eating, the digging, the stealing of all undergarments owned by me. He also has a very kind temperament, is gentle (ok, unless you are a stuffed animal) and has only ever barked once. And that was at the vacuum cleaner.

Upon Lady O's arrival home Otis awaited us with great poise, as if he already knew his role in our pack had changed:

We quickly introduced him to Olivia, and as expected, he greeted her with curious looks and gentle kisses.

He immediately took to the babe and assumed the position of guard dog. Not leaving her sight; running to her when she made a sqweak, gurgle or cry; walking gingerly around her, abandoning his usual bull-in-a-china-shop type demeanour.

Huzb and I, completely taken by Otis' new attitude, teared and welled up at each of these actions. Wasn't it amazing, we mused, at how much an animal can change once the dynamics of his surroundings are altered. What happened to our curious lab who was always getting into trouble? Where is the Otis who steals Mommy's boots every day at the same time, who jumps up on counters to lick butter and snag an oven mitt, who can sniff a dirty sock, or worse, out of a laundry hamper at the bat of an eye, who can tear apart the arm of a couch faster then you can spell UPHOLSTERY? Otis had changed. We briefly mourned and then rejoiced!

And then...it was Tuesday.

Tuesday was Day 7 of us being at home with the Livster, and Day 2 of Huzb being back to work. Things were going pretty smoothly all things considered. It was around 9am and time to get up from our 6am feed and do it all over again. Diaper change. Check. Sleeper dry? Check. Receiving blanket and spit up cloth. Check, Check. I let Otis out on the way to the couch and decided to grab a glass of water before getting started. For some reason, I glimpsed out the kitchen window which looks out into our backyard. That's funny, I thought. Otis isn't in sight. Sometimes Otis likes to hide behind the garage and eat stuff, so I figured this was it. I turned to go to the living room. Must feed baby. But something was bugging me. Something wasn't right. I put my water down, and Olivia down in her bassinet and opened the sliding glass door in the office which also looks out into our backyard. OOOOTTTTIIISSSSS! Let's go in the house! Nothing. He wasn't coming. Stubborn little bastard I think to myself. He's totally chewing a log behind the garage. But that sinking feeling in my gut was slowly growing. I ran and grabbed some kibble in a bowl and started shaking it at the door. OTIS! LET'S GO! IN THE HOUSE! COOKIE? YOU WANT A COOKIE?? This'll get him in. Silence. Nothing. Terror started to hit me as I quickly ran to check on Liv, she was sleeping in her bassinet, temporarily forgetting it's time to eat. There's no fucking way I think, I panic and run to the back door and throw on my boots. I fly out the door and swing open the gate to the yard. Otis! I cry...OTIS where are you????

He was gone. I circled the entire yard, back and forth, zigzagging across the lot, and no Otis in sight. OTISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I screamed! Shit! Olivia, I can't leave her alone in the house! I run inside and pick her up as she is now starting to stir. 'Feed me' she gurgles. I call the Huzb: "Huzb, Otis ran away!" I am hysterical. Sobbing on the phone I manage to get it across to the Huzb that I think he's gotten out behind the garage where there is a build up of snow. I see tracks. I am sure he's gone. No he is 100% gone. My Dog Is Gone!!!!!!!!! Huzby tells me he is on his way home and to call the neighbour and get her to go check the nearby hydro cut. This is where we always walk Otis. It is a large green-space in the city. It is ideal for dogs but it is not fenced in. It is also close to a very very busy street. I am sure that my dog has been hit by a car and killed.

I call the neighbour in tears. She goes to the hydro cut. Huzb calls me back to tell me he is in a cab and that sis-in-law and dad-in-law are on their way over to help search. Olivia is crying and hungry. I can't control my emotions. I call Dax in mad hysteria. She does a really good job of calming me down. She starts by telling me to put the baby down. This, in hindsight, is a very good call. Put down baby when in panic. Muscles might give in and drop baby. Need to calm down. Dax offered to come over. I said hold on that. Let's wait and see what happens.

There really is no way to prepare for any type of loss. Your mind really doesn't know how to process the information so instead it goes from uncontrollable crying and sobbing to numbness. My thought process from the time I realized Otis had taken off to this point went like this. Oh my god Otis is not in the yard. Otis ran away. Otis is dead. It is all my fault. I killed my dog. I miss him so much. Why did I let him out to pee? Oh Otis I miss every single stupid thing you do. What I wouldn't give to have you here right now, I would let you eat every sock, oven mitt and couch in the house. Please come home Otis! I pace. I wait.

My neighbour comes back. Nothing. She didn't see him. She leaves again, this time driving the other way. I pace some more. This is a living nightmare I think to myself. I look out the door to the empty yard and think, we bought this house with this yard for you Odie. Then I think, I am never getting another dog again in my entire whole life. Never. Ever.

The front door opens and there is a pause. Then the ever so familiar sound of paws bounding in and onto hardwood floor. I hears claws scraping on wood. I turn and there he is! Otis is home. Huzby is behind him and the in-laws are in the driveway. Otis runs up to me and starts circling me and Olivia who is in my arms. 'Hi Mom! Did you miss me?" he's saying to me with his tail wagging and tongue flying.

Where was he? I sighed and stuttered in great relief to the Huzb. The hydro-cut. He thought he'd take himself for a walk I guess. I leaned over and let him drench me in wet sloppy kisses. My Otis is home. My family is the most precious thing to me. My new daughter is in my arms, my husband who I love more then anything is beside me, and my favourite furry friend is safe and sound. I am suddenly overwhelmed by what the true meaning of life is and how quickly something can make it all change. I am stunned by how precious every moment is and how much impact a four-legged beast can have on our lives. For a moment, I take it all in.

Otis, in retrospect, really hadn't changed all that much upon the arrival of Olivia. We're pretty sure he was just temporarily in shock, like us, about the new tenant that was now sharing space with the rest of us. Sure, he'll watch out for her and guard her against all things evil - if by evil you are referring to dust mites and vacuum cleaners. Other then that, our Otis is pretty much same old, same old. But isn't that what life is all about?

Olivia's story...

2008-03-12T19:15:00.000-04:00

Dear Olivia,

This is the story of how you were born. It's long. It's intense. It's told through your Mommy's eyes. If I can offer one lesson to you at this very early stage of life it is this: Patience is a precious gift that brings great rewards. Practise it and you will gain inner happiness and strength.

I love you,
Mommy

February 22, 2008.
Friday morning I woke up to the alarm going off. Damnit! I looked out the window to see snow flurrying wildly about. Again. Ah well…time to get up and muster up the energy to get showered and ready for Dr. Sat weekly appointment. Today I was 39 and 3 and scheduled for an internal to see if there was any progression. Baby had already dropped and was ‘engaged’ so I knew it was any day now. At the last minute, Huzby decided he would come to the docs with me. No you don’t have to come it’s no biggy hun…he’s just gonna check me out and if anything crazy is going on I’ll call. But he insisted. With the weather and everything else, he just wanted to be with me.

10:15am.
At Dr. Sat’s. Sitting on his table with a ‘paper sheet’ covering so little of me it’s a joke. Man it’s hot in here, I think to myself. In walks Dr. Sat. and nurse. We chat for a few minutes about baby position, heart rate, timing, are my bags packed blah blah blah. Ok, all great stuff here, let’s see what’s going on inside. Dr. Sat lifts up useless paper sheet and stops. Um, did you know you were leaking here? Looks like you’re water just broke. No way! I don’t feel any different, I laugh, I’m just really hot, it’s hot in here! Dr. Sat motions to nurse to get dip-stick to test liquid on table. I’m now laughing and staring at the Huzb who has put down his blackberry. Are you kidding me? What are the odds of that? I shriek. You would be surprised, he takes off on a tangent of stories about how he and his wife were looking for a condo and bam! Water breaks in living room, about the full moon and how crazy it always is and that the hospital is going to be crazy busy this weekend because truly there really is something to be said for mother nature. Oh for fuck sakes already!! I’m lying here with my legs open can we wrap this up? Nurse comes back in with dip-stick and it’s confirmed. My water has broken. On the table at my 39 and 3 week check up. Things start moving very fast around me. Words and instructions are flying and I keep saying to Huzb “you getting this?” I thought to myself what a little gem, baby is so nice to make this happen while I’m actually at the doctor. But I feel nothing!? No pain, no contractions, no anything!? We’re instructed to go home, take a very long walk, eat lots of food and NOT have sex. Odd, they always tell you to have sex. Waters have already ruptured, could be cause for infection, nothing goes in now. Check. I’m told to come to the hospital first thing in the morning, unless contractions bring me there sooner, to be examined and most likely admitted. You are going to have a baby this weekend! Congratulations! Says Dr. Sat as he leaves the room – Good Luck says the nurse. I look at Huzby and at the same time we both laugh and say Holy Fuck, now what?

The rest of Friday was spent in a state of pregnant manic-ness. We popped out and did some errands, checked out a central vac sale at Home Depot, went for a long walk with Otis, talked about baby names. I remember being completely obsessed about returning curtains that I’d bought for the nursery and didn’t like…nursery had to be complete! So we also made a quick trip to Kitchen Stuff Plus. So tired by the end of the day I don’t think either of us registered that really and truly, baby was on his or her way – like tomorrow.

Saturday February 23, 2008
8am. I woke thinking this is weird. I’m preparing to go to the hospital to potentially have this baby. Am I having this baby? Today? So many feelings rushing through me. Fear. Anxiety. Excitement. Anticipation. Joy. Fear. Fear. Fear. Huzby was already gathering bags at the front door. I hopped in the shower and stood there for a long time letting the heat soothe me.

9:30am. We arrive at St. Michael’s Hospital, L&D, 15th floor. I walk up to the nursing station and explain that my waters had ruptured the morning before, and Dr. Sat had called ahead to let them know I’d be arriving first thing for a check up. Sheba, the nurse (named by Huzb for her horrible bedside manner) told us quite abruptly that we were to go home, there were no beds, and we wouldn’t have a chance being seen before 1pm today. Um, WTF lady? My WATER BROKE. Doesn’t matter. Go home. Come back later. We have no room for you. Frustrated, bewildered and in tears, we left feeling deflated and scared. Isn’t it bad to be walking around for so long after your water breaks? What if baby has no water? What if baby is in distress? I tried to stay calm and through tears I remember staring out at the Gardner Expressway thinking, this is not how it’s supposed to go down. At home, I settled, had a bite to eat, and caught a quick nap.

12:45pm. St. Michael’s L&D check-in Take 2. Sheba again. Hi, I’m back. Is there room for me yet? I say a bit aggressively. You’ll have to go sit down. No beds yet. We’ll let you know. Such a precious way of dealing with people Sheba you really are a treat. BITCH! Sheba hated me and I was totally going to get fucked out of being admitted to this hospital. I was convinced.

1:30pm. Sheba appears in the waiting room. Ok. Triage will see you now. Progress! We’re going to Triage! I eagerly undressed into the oversized gown, taking the time to put my hair up into a tight pony tail. This is it, this is how it’s all going to start. I still have no other signs that I am in labour. I climb onto the bed and a nice nurse hooks me up to the belly baby heart monitors. We wait awhile taking in the sounds and conversations of what’s going on behind the other curtains. Behind curtain #2, a woman in her third trimester panics because she fell on the ice this morning. I can hear her talking through an oxygen mask, worrying about her baby’s heartbeat. That’s scary, I think. Really fucking scary. Behind curtain #3, labour pains are taking over as a woman moans and her husband rushes for ice chips. Finally, the doctor pokes his head around and introduces himself . Let’s take a look here. He sounds like Dr. Ted the vet, I say to Huzb afterwards. We laugh. The doctor checks me inside and out, I’d better get used to this I think, so much probing to be done. Ultrasound confirms the state of my placenta is good, and baby is happy. I have lost over 30% of my waters enough to get things rolling. I am not dilated. My cervix is over 80% effaced. Ok. Let’s get the show on the road. We’re going to admit you, and commence induced labour. It’s baby time!? I say. Well, not quite he says, but we’re getting there.

Sheba was not joking when she said the ward was full and there were no beds. We were instructed to go for an early dinner for an hour while they prepped my room. Jesus what if I were at 8 cms by now, would they have been able to sacrifice a gurney in the hallway?

5:00pm
After a quick soup and bagel at Timmy’s we returned to the nursing station to “check in”. Nice Nurse sees us coming and grabs my paperwork and leads us to our room. I smile at Sheba on my way past the desk. We drop our bags in our room and for a brief moment I feel like we really did just check into a resort. Smiling faces all around us, a room with a view, a hospital bed, right – reality check. I grab a quick shower, it’s already been a long day and I feel disgusting. I stand in the shower under the heat again, and breathe.

6:00pm
Nice Nurse whizzes in and hooks me up to IV. This is a first for me. I’m a little nervous. She then gets me started on the Oxytocin, the hormone that will trigger and induce contractions. They tell us that they will start raising the levels every 15 minutes over the course of the next several hours. I should begin to feel contractions soon. We wait.

9ishpm
Contractions are starting to kick in but they are manageable. I can track them on the screen beside me. Huzby is close by and I’m starting to feel ill. The contractions move up and down like a lie-detector test. Every 9-10 minutes or so I get a surge of pain. He holds my hands. We wait.

10ish.The doctor checks in on us. I am 1 cm dilated. Slow progress but it’s progress nonetheless he says. I’m off duty soon, see you in the morning. It’s going to be a long night, try to rest and relax as best you can. Right. Relax. Bullshit. Who can rest and relax at a time like this?

At some point someone brought Huzb a pullout chair bed. It is pink leather. I think this is hysterical.

Timelines start to get a little blurry now. The contractions are getting intense very quickly to the point where Huzb can now tell me I’m going to be feeling pain before I know it, by watching the contraction monitor. Get ready hun…3, 2, 1…brrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaathe. I hang onto the side of the bed rail, moaning and squeezing his hand. I picture climbing a mountain and hitting the peak. I imagine I am just about to see something I have never seen before. I breathe. Ok Enough already get me the fucking epidural!!!!!!

4am. Epidural.
The anesthesiologist is a bit of a crusty bitch. Or maybe she’s just super anal and focused. Nonetheless this is the most pain I have felt throughout his entire process. Ok, I want you to bend forward and breathe. Breathe into it. This is what they tell you as they are poking very large needles into your back. You are going to feel a little pinch. PINCH WHAT THE FUCK OWWWWWE! I yelp. Sorry she says, your spinal muscle column is very tight. Three tries and a few local anesthetics later, I feel some pushing and tugging and a coolness set in as the juices from the newest addition of injections start to take effect. There we go. You’re all set. You should feel the effects very shortly. Just try to relax. There’s that word again. Relax. Fucking Relax. Surely enough, a few minutes later Huzb says You feel that? No, what? You just had a massive contraction. Let’s try to get some sleep. I lie there breathing deeply, focusing on the music that was playing on my laptop. Huzb had downloaded some chill-out beats and relaxation music for this very purpose. Thank you Huzb, I love you, this is exactly what I need right now. I start to use my yoga breathing. I think I am asleep.

I hear the sound of heartbeats all around me. Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. My baby is moving around, holding steady, kicking, getting ready to enter into my world. Thump----thump---------thump-------------------thump-------------BEEP BEEP BEEP…. Huzb what the fuck is going on? What’s wrong with the baby’s heart? In a matter of 5 seconds there were 3 nurses and 3 doctors around my bedside each checking, probing, poking and talking. Someone’s hand was reaching deep inside of me to check baby. I look at the screen, Baby’s heart has dropped to 50 bpm from 149bpm. What the hell is going on???? Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. Ok, we’re ok, someone says. Baby must have just rolled onto the cord, or maybe baby doesn’t like the Oxytocin. It’s nothing to worry about, we have an eye on it. Everyone assures me. Just relax.

Sunday February 24th, 2008.
Early morning. Huzb needs coffee and something to eat. We have not slept. We are waiting. I am starving. Off he goes. Please don’t be long. I’m scared and tired and really hoping the doctor comes soon to check dilation progress. I want to meet my baby so badly.

Huzb returns with a smile and a coffee. A new day he says, we’re going to meet our baby today! Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump----------thump----------------------thump-------BEEP BEEP BEEP. HUZB! Not again! The staff rush in again, Dr. Ted the vet-sound-alike-guy is back on shift. This time his entire arm if thrust up into me and he is toggling baby between his fingers. Ok. Ok. Let’s get her off the Oxytocin he says. Baby doesn't like this. I am having a fucking heart attack inside. My insides are breaking with anxiety and stress for the life of this baby. Can we please get him or her out? It’s ok, your baby is fine. But you’re not dilating. So here is what we suggest. It’s 10am. We’re going to take you off the Oxytocin for a few hours and let things settle down. We’re then going to start you back on it for one last try and see how you progress for the duration of the day. At 5pm tonight we will check you and see how much you have dilated and reassess at that point. I want you to start thinking about the possibility of a C-section. Ok? Ok. Everyone leaves. Is this how the birth experience is supposed to be? Is it supposed to be this stressful and tense? I look at Huzb and burst into tears. I’m so tired. I’m staying positive. He is my rock. I am just so tired.

Nurse shift change. Enter Nurse Kate, my new best friend.
At this point, I was pretty sure that a C-section was inevitable. I was trying to stay positive and think DILATE DILATE DILATE, but in my heart of hearts I knew. Not that this is a bad thing. I always had a thought in the back of my head that a C might be the way we go. Maybe because my brother and I were both C’s. I was fine with the outcome, always have kept an open mind to it. But there was a slight negative tone connected with the C-section birthing option, and I was kind of taken aback by this. I guess because it is a surgery. But they called it a “failed induction by way of C section. How shitty is that? A failed induction. Any procedure that brings my baby into this world safely and keeps me alive isn’t a failure in my books at all. Anyway, I digress.

Kate was the new nurse on shift and would be by my side either way, with the Huzb, for the rest of my delivery process. She and Huzb created a quick and strong bond together, she nicknamed him Papa – Papa go get Mommy more ice chips, Papa are you getting bored? You should go out for a walk, Papa, you are going to meet baby soon! Kate also had a great bedside manner and recognized right away that I was a nervous wreck by this point. She did a great job of over explaining things to my satisfaction and keeping things in perspective. Soon we were on the Oxytocin train again and waiting for the contractions to kick in.

12noon – Contractions are progressing, they are at 80 out of 100 on the contraction scale, had it not been for the epidural I would have felt tremendous pain, I was in active labour without even knowing it. Am I dilating? 5 more hours to go…

3pm – the room is getting intense, Huzb is pacing and keeping me calm telling me that I’m going great and that the contractions are super close together, they are on target, 3 minutes apart at 1 minute in duration. This is great news! Everyone keeps telling me. You are almost there, 2 more hours and we’ll take a look to see where you’re at. Right, I think to myself, keep breathing, stay calm, think open, dilate, stretch, come on baby let’s meet you already!

4pm – Nurse, pain! I need a top up!

I woke up from a 2 minute nap with one thought – who the FUCK took me off the epidural???? Huzb, get the nurse, I need drugs. In a milli-second I was feeling wrenching pain and pressure as the contraction overflowed my insides. What the fuck? Why can I feel this? I grab the nurse button and hit it twice, HUZB NURSE NOW. In comes Kate and I ask her to set me up again. I’m surprised it took you this long to complain, she says, you have a very low tolerance to drugs and usually people ask for more about 6 hours ago! However, bad news. They weren’t going to be topping me up because we had one more hour to go before the internal check to see how much I had dilated. If I had successfully improved, then we would be pushing soon and therefore not increasing the epidural, if I was going to have a C, then other drugs would be administered. I was instructed to hang on tight, ride it out and keep breathing.

For the next 60 minutes I experienced what I now know to be severe labour pain. Women don’t fuck around when they say there is nothing in this world that can describe the type of pain it is. Oddly, I was almost excited to be enduring this, as I knew it was the final stage before meeting baby, one way or another. I think I said Holy Fucking Shit about 50 times over. Huzb rubbed my feet and Kate massaged my back through every one, the monotony of it all helped. Just 57 more minutes….

5:10pm
Where the fuck is the doctor??
Finally, what seemed like forever and a day, Dr. Selk, the doctor on call for today, came in with her team. Time to check me out. Here we go again, more prodding. Huzb was oozing with positivity, it’s ok, here we go, this is going to be great, you’re doing great, you must have dilated let’s think positive. The outcome: I hadn’t change a bit. I was 1.5 cm dilated, 100% effaced, cervix was soft but there was no change or progress. My body was missing something this time around, my body was not going to allow this child to come out naturally. Ok, said the Doctor. It’s our advice that we proceed with the C-section. You’ve given it your best shot but we think it’s best to deliver this baby now, before it goes into any distress. It’s the best time now. Ok I sigh, let’s get moving! Overwhelmed, excited and scared. Man how many emotions can one go through in a 24 hour window? Soon paperwork was flying, signatures and waivers were being drawn up, Huzb stood beside me holding my hand, We’re so close babe…so close to meeting our little bean!

The staff had me prepped and Huzb in scrubs in under an hour and before I knew it I was under the massive lights being moved from the gurney to the table. Nurse Kate appeared. She quickly put the baby heart monitor on my belly and let me have a listen. We don’t normally do this, she said, but I knew you’d be stressing about hearing baby. Here you go, this will make you smile. Thump-Thump, Thump-Thump, Thump-Thump. She winked and grinned at me, I smiled through happy tears and thanked her. How kind and thoughtful. How did she know me so well? There’s my baby, so close to me, so soon will you be in my world, our world. I look up and see the anesthesiologist looking at me as he starts to explain all the things he is administering and what I will expect to feel, or not. He was really nice. He gave me drugs. He made me numb. I remember telling him I was having trouble breathing, then, I wasn’t anymore. Huzb was on my right, talking to me in my ear. You’re ok hun, we’re so close hun, they are almost ready to get started - I am so proud of you. I could hear but not see Nurse Kate on my left. Doing stuff. The anesthesiologist looks at me and said Ok, they are well into the surgery now, you will hear your baby any minute now. What? Really? They are? But I don’t feel anything! Well, he laughed, that’s a good thing! Some incredible tugging and pushing down on my lungs and chest and abdomen came next, like a massive wave over my core and then…the voice. The voice that I will never forget. The first cries of our baby entering into this place. Ok Dad, tells us what it is! Huzb was standing and leaning over the curtain. It’s a Girl! He exclaimed. A girl. We have a girl. A baby little girl. He leaned over to me and said it again. We have a baby girl. Through tears I could see him with the doctors over at the baby table as they did their 1 minute old inspection of her. He was dancing, I swear I could see Huzby dancing.

Baby Olivia Jane Phair was born February 24, 2008, at 6:28pm, weighing in at 6lbs, 1 oz. Welcome my sweet sweet baby girl. We are so happy to finally have you with us. You are worth every moment of this crazy experience and your Daddy and I would do it again a million times over.

We love you so very much.

Olivia

2008-03-04T17:03:00.004-05:00

I'm working on the birth story for my daughter Olivia. She is 9 days old today. As I put the words together to describe her incredible entrance into our world I melt. She is pure beauty, precious and delicate, strong and assertive I can tell already. Be back soon, as every new parent knows, I just have to go stare at her for a while.

39 weeks and 4 days...

2008-02-23T14:11:00.000-05:00

Quick update becuase really I need all the sleep I can get at this point...or so I'm told. Yesterday morning my water broke at the doctor's office. It's a pretty funny story but I'm saving it to tell all at once, later. It's 11:02am on Saturday (February 23) morning and I am waiting to go to the hospital to get checked and assessed. Have already been to Hosp. once this morning but again, saving all details until later.

The good news is baby is active, there isn't a crazy blizzard outside and most likely in the next few days our baby will be here! It's all becoming very real. There are so many things running through my mind right now! Thank god we found the rocking chair for the nursery! Just in the nic of time! OK. Focus. Eat. Sleep. Then we're off.

39 weeks...

2008-02-20T15:05:00.006-05:00

I'm a little sick of hearing the words: "ARE YOU READY TO POP?" Like what the fuck people? If it were only that easy. If I were a balloon, all ripe and full of air, I'd sit my sorry ass on a pin if I could! For all you preggies out there who are still growing, just wait. For all you post-preggies who have already endured this trying time-frame of 'the last few weeks', you know where I'm coming from. And for all of you non-preggies...good on you cause ignorance is bliss.

Today, I'm 39 weeks and 1 day. My official due date is next Tuesday February 26th, which, by the way, is a terrible thing to focus on in my opinion. It is neither accurate nor any more relaxing to know the potential day. Cause really, the odds are not in your favour (unless you are Beaches Mom or my friend Frenchie) to actually deliver on the magic day. I'm pretty sure this is one of the major symptoms of that Nesting thing I was talking about the other day. Why am I obsessively cleaning and rearraging and folding and dusting and list-writing? Because I'm BORED! It's not like - oh yeah, I'm off work, let's kick back and chillax, crack a pint, light up a ciggie and call it a day. Hell NO! That's not what it is at all. I am living in between two worlds right now - the sleeping giant and snow white!

Here's me 6 days ago. And trust me when I tell you that Baby Bean is active and still packing on the pounds. I'd post a pic of my belly right now but can't get up off the couch. For serious. I'd grab on to Otis the dog's collar and ask him to get up and run, but he just finally calmed down from one of his puppy-spazz's and I really need to take five.

WARNING! The contents of this post may be offensive to some. Reader's discretion is advised.

2008-02-16T02:33:00.003-05:00

FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!FUCK OFF!

...AND fuck off.

Who said anything about cleaning?

2008-02-16T00:55:00.004-05:00

I've heard about women who are nearing the end of pregnancy and get that "nesting" urge. Women who have been known to rip down wallpaper at midnight, remove door hinges and polish them until they glisten, and surely someone out there has decided it would be a good idea to purge all their files from their computer without checking for the backup. Me? I'm sad to say that this generally level headed not too manic or obsessive compulsive easy going woman has recently found herself teetering on the brink of insanity. And the baby hasn't even arrived. But here's the weird thing, I don't see it as insane activity. I have complete and utter rational for all that I am doing these days. NO it is not wrong that I am doing 4 loads of laundry a day. (Did I mention the baby has not arrived yet?) NO it is not wrong that I washed the washer and dryer. I did. It's true. They were dusty! NO I don't believe that driving to Home Depot in a snow storm to get the vintage-porcelain knobs for the dresser in the nusery is absurd. And I certainly do not agree that surfing for the most perfect material for the curtains that I won't even have enough time to make, is a dumb waste of time.

I can, however, detect that it is not normal behaviour for me. I am generally not a planner. I like to set an abstract concept and run with it, then put all the pieces together last minute. Lately though, I have an infinite amount of energy to cross everything off the list(s) that I have made. I am usually not a list maker, however since said pregnany has kicked my brains ass, the lists have now become an extension of myself. Beaches taught me how to write a list. I'm still no pro, but it seems to be doing the trick. And that list can be anything from picking up coffee that I don't even consume myself right now, to ensuring the furnace filter gets changed and the car gets detailed prior to the car seat being installed. I have a list on my fridge right now that dictates times and quantities for Lil Pup-Pup's ear medications (poor dog has another ear infection...apparently the next step is a $500 dermatology appointment. Right. Holding....) I have a list, no, 2 lists that cross-check one another on What to Pack for the Hospital. So you see? It's not irrational or crazy talk or me acting like a fucking maniac, it's normal. Perfectly 100% well thought out plans to execute all before baby comes. And so the story goes that once you've hit this level of 'nesting' or as some call it 'out of control cleaning frenzy', that labour is just around the corner. So be it. Bring it on! But wait, let me just re-org the closets first.

Tomorrow...

2008-02-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I will go into work and finish packing up my desk. I will make sure my inbox is clear, my internet history is erased, my documents are in order and my files are passed off. I will shake hands cordially with peers, hug some and wince at others. I will set my out-of-office reply, forward my phone and notify HR with one final last email. I will make a few final calls to tie up loose ends, I will thank my boss for hiring me. Tomorrow, at 5pm or so, I will officially be on my first ever maternity leave. This is virtually impossible to wrap my head around. I have left jobs before but this is nothing like that. This is like packing up the cottage for the winter, like folding those last few summer dresses to be stored away for next summer, like packing up the Christmas decorations while thinking "what will life be like when I next unwrap you?". This time, I have no idea. I can try to imagine what life will be like, but I stop short everytime I try to complete the thought. Maybe it's because I don't know who you are yet little Bean. Or, maybe I'm scared a little. The thought of being back at work, in this place where I pour all my energy into action every day, is like a distant thought already. Because although I am a corporate girl, I can't imagine sitting at a desk all day juggling the corporate life with the home life. Tomorrow marks the start of new beginnings, new schedules, new responsibilities. Tomorrow, I think, is a very big day.

Checking things off...

2008-02-04T21:32:00.000-05:00

Well folks, we're making progress. I'm a little over 3 weeks away from meeting little Bean and in typical "me" fashion, everything is coming together just under the wire.

Today we bought Baby Bean a stroller! Finally! With much thought and diligent comparative analysis of all the top lines on the market (thanks to everyone for their input!) from the Bugaboo to the Zooper, we decided on the Valco Tri-Mode. It's durable, it folds up quickly, it's pretty slick. I've already decided to go back for the bassinet which is sold seperately. Sooo excited and glad this is now crossed off the list.

I also picked up a the Graco Snugride carseat in matching blue/grey. I'm feeling MUCH better about the slight possibility of going into early labour...at least this way we can get the Beans home!

Baby Bella

2008-01-30T13:00:00.000-05:00

Everyone - meet Anabella Dawn Champagne.

The most beautiful girl in the world.

She has jet black hair, plump cheeks and bright red lips. And LOOK at that perfect little nose!!!

Born January 30, 2008, she weighed in at a healthy 6lbs 14oz.

Congratulations to my best friend Dax and her husband Champers,

I love you and am so proud of you!!!

Final Push

2008-01-29T22:22:00.001-05:00

All of a sudden I looked down at my belly and all I saw is belly. I am 36 weeks today. Out of nowhere its happened. I'm due in 4 weeks. My bff is on the verge of labouring her first baby girl and I'm right on her tail. (ok not tooooo close because I still have a few things to do and Huzb is hopping on a plane tomorrow for a whirlwind biz trip). I need to prioritize. Here's what still needs to be done. The frustrating part is that barely any of it can be done by me. Right. The Art of delegating. Not my strong suit.

1. Carpets installed in basement.
2. Move furtniture into basement which will transform office into nursery.
3. Paint nursery.
4. Put furniture IN nursery.
5. Purchase car seat.
6. Purchase Stroller.
7. Get hair done.
8. Get mani/pedi.
8b). Get all unwanted hair removed.
9. Wrap up 5 projects over next 8 days of work.
10. Get rest, stay calm, don't hyperextend any joints or ligaments, eat alot but just the healthy stuff and chocolate.
11. Wait.

You see? I have a few things to do still. And honestly USUALLY I'm totally fine with being the last-minute girl. I work really well under pressure and my results are usually great. But this? Are you kidding me? It's the final push. Literally.

more on the pain train...

2008-01-08T01:22:00.000-05:00

Ok. So. Monday morning was spent on HOLD trying to reach my obgyn to update on weekend's struggles. Apparently every woman in the GTA is pregnant and with the same clinic because the phone lines were tied up tighter then the American Idol finale hotlines!! Moving on. Finally I got patched through to some back office clerk and told her to have McSmarty call me immediately. 20 minutes later (not bad I gotta tell ya...big points for speediness) my phone rings and McSmarty and I go through the dialogue:

So...what seems to be the problem?
Well...I had to go to emerge on Friday night because I had serious pain in my right ovary. Must have burst or be twisted or something eh? (Me, typically trying to speak doc-lingo and self-diagnose. Again, I blame this trait on my father and apologize to all medical staff in advance. I'm sure they all HATE self-proclaimed doctors like me).
Okay stop right there. Why do you say ovary?
I start to studder....well....er....because that's where my ovary is and I know you said I have a cyst there and the resident doctor said this is what it might be. (I'm totally blushing at this point which is yet another trait of pregnancy for me. I blush and go all red in the face on queue. So embarrassing and so not fun! I can't play a joke or make shit up or embellish a story anymore!!!) Digressing....

McSmarty responds: You DO know that your ovaries are currently located up in your lower ribcage, by your kidneys right?

Stunned. Mortified. Having been called out I suddenly feel like Bridget Jones on a bad day. Really? No, I didn't know that! How could I know that?

He finished his diagnosis and told me he'd see me Friday for our regular appointment and assured me that if it got bad again to come in right away.

So what I thought was an ovary about to rupture and hemorrhage and cause serious harm to Baby, is really a case of a very common symptom of pregnancy called: Round Ligament Pain. Essentially, a thick ligament that is called the 'round ligament' holds the uterus in suspension within the abdomen. As the uterus grows the ligaments pull and tug causing sharp knife-like jabbing pain. Wicked. Typical symptoms are: Pain to lower abdomen usually right hand side, sharp knife jabbing pains followed by dull aching, usually brought on by rolling over in bed, sitting up, coughing/sneezing, exercise. Cure: Get un-pregnant!

Filled with much relief I am now officially forcing myself to slooooooooooooow doooooooooown. No more lifting things. No more running (ha! joking...just making sure you're still with me). No more over-walking and no more sneezing!

And yes...this is all going to be worth it.

7 weeks to go and cherishing every moment.

Can someone please make me a gin and tonic?

Just makin' it through....

2008-01-06T03:09:00.001-05:00

So it's been about 3 weeks since my last post. Changes to my body are now completely un-fun. I'll spare you the details of bloating face and swelling ankles. Overall, I have been really lucky with the preggo-progress, having been blessed with good genes everything is going nicely. However, and here's where I just need to complain for a moment, I have over the last day and a half developed some pretty sever pain on my right lower side which at this point, all arrows are pointing in the direction of the affects of ovarian cysts with said growing baby. Conveniently, at 11pm on Friday night, I found myself with the Huzb in the Labour and Delivery Triage Unit at St. Mike's Hospital hooked up to a baby heart rate monitor and running tests to try and identify why I had piercing lower right hand pain. My suspicion was that the previously detected cysts on my right ovary had burst and I was feeling the after affects. Prone to self-diagnosis (thanks Dad) I am one who is very aware of my body and able to communicate relatively effectively to medical staff. *Ahhhhhh! Wrong. "Nothing has ruptured that we can see. Perhaps a twisted ovary, but we can't tell because we don't have access to the right machine here and the people that do are not here right now." Um. Pardon fucking me? Is this not a hospital that runs 24 hours? What if this were an emergency? "Well if it were an emergency we would arrange for it, but it's not." Right. So there was no access to the specialized ultrasound machine that would be able to clearly see the cysts and clarify if indeed this was the source of my pain. After 2 1/2 hours of waiting, discussing, testing and probing (not to mention listening to a woman behind the curtain next to me scream bloody murder in about 5 languages as the nurse hummed to her calmly "Breath...breath....you're just 1 cm dilated, we have lots more to go...." (Grrrreeeeat this is what labour is really all about!) the Doc. assured me the baby was fine, slapped me with a clean bill of health, sent me on my way and told me to call my obgyn on Monday to set up an urgent ultra sound.

This leads me to right now. Sunday morning at 3:26am. Awakened by sharp pain located in lower right hand side of abdomen. Can't sleep. Obsessing. Am I going to deal with this for the next 7 weeks while this baby finishes cooking? God help me!

Fucking Good Ham

2007-12-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning to a very disheveld kitchen and dining room. But this morning, I didn't care. Because on mornings like today, I am truly happy to clean up. Huzb and I love to entertain. We love good conversation, we love our friends and family, we are gluttons for good food and drink, and most importantly we love the sound of laughter. We've been together now for 4 years, but almost three of those four were spent away from home. We made some new friends quickly, and shared some great times, but there really is nothing like good old friends. Last night we hosted a dinner party for 8. It was a cornucopia of celebrations, a rejuvenation of sorts: our new house, pregnancies and babies, our first Christmas back in town as husband and wife, retunrning to a bit of the norm, our friends - both old and new. Perhaps a little more on the alert as I'm currently the sober one, I found myself observing. How we have changed and how we have stayed the same. The new faces that are now amongst us and what wonderful dymanics this brings. As I was cleaning up the dishes and crackers and toys, as I rinsed the wine glasses and collected the corks, all I heard was laguhter and all I felt was joy. And then the words FUCKING GOOD HAM popped into my head. Over the course of the night a joke had spawned from an old tv skit and quickly turned into the running joke. The ham, which had been coveted by the Huzb and is a longstanding tradition on his side of the family, was a really fucking good ham! And hence, the connection. Perhaps a tradition in the making? An annual Fucking Good Ham party? It will surely be served with all of the above.

Little feet.

2007-10-30T23:45:00.000-04:00

It's three am.
A tap dance emerges from within.
Little feet awaken to venture and explore.
Through dreamland they glide across the wall,
testing the barriers, learning their limits.
These preliminary movements mark the beginning of territory,
the start of a new adventure, the creation of a new life.
You carve your own path.
Little feet.
Tapping your progress I am your first witness.
I envelope your movements, your decisions, your boundaries, for now.
Little feet.
Tapping your path you dance within the walls.
Tapping your path you learn from your dance.
Little feet.
I will protect you.
Little feet.

You make me smile.

2007-10-30T20:11:00.001-04:00

...the O-Dog.

23 and free!

2007-10-29T19:09:00.000-04:00

This title popped into my head about an hour ago while I was riding the subway home from work, half-passed out on the guy next to me, cradling my purse and under-sized winter coat in my arms. 23 and Free! I'm 23 weeks preggies tomorrow. I have a memory like a sieve and am over half-way to birthing this kicking little miracle. 23 and Free. Apart from the fact that it rhymes what really does this mean? 23 and Free. I'm definitely not free of worry. I'm sure as hell not free of grey hair. And free-spirited? I might be losing that temporarily too. Notice how I say temporarily. 23 and Free. I'm not free of responsibility. I have a husband and a dog and a mortgage and a career and a soon-to-be newborn all vying for my attention. Nope, couldn't be that. 23 and Free. Is it possibly in the literal sense? Could I be subconsciously juxtaposing my current state to that of nearly 10 years ago when I WAS 23 and Free? "Free...to do what I want...Any old ti-ime." Perhaps. I mean you can't blame a gal for stepping back and taking a candid look at her life's progressions can you? 23 and Free. Hmm....maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and know what I meant.

********************************

Nope. Still not sure what I meant. Pretty sure it's a little bit of all of the above.

McCravings!

2007-10-26T09:48:00.000-04:00

It's 9:49 am on Friday morning. I woke up feeling hung over re: lack of sleep. I just packed in two Mcdonal's Hash Browns and you know what I gotta say about it? Big McFucking Deal!

I am so satisfied.

Sleep Ez Dee.........forgetaboutit.

2007-10-25T23:01:00.000-04:00

So I can't sleep. When I lie down I have hip pain. I've concluded it's equivalent to those growing pains you get in your legs when you're a kid. It always hits at night. It wakes you up. And there is no escaping it. Well...almost. I'm being told by me favourite fellow fertile female that Tylenol is the answer. One, because it's the only fucking thing we can take, and two, well it's a mild anti-inflamatory. So here I am, all ready to pop a few pills...oh how I miss the freedom!! And my medicine cabinet is riddled with everything but. I've weeded through the advil, dristan and gaviscon bottles only to be left staring at an empty bottle of Oxycontin (not mine), a mangled packet of Sleep-Ez-D (are these legal still?) and a tube of anusol (also not mine, but afraid it's only a matter of time). No. Fucking. Tylenol.

Wicked. "Otis, wanna go for a walk?"

Quick chat about my attitude

2007-10-23T20:48:00.000-04:00

Yeah I'm pregnant and Yeah I'm a fucking moody bitch. But hold the phone people, that broad on the subway today was Out Of Line!

The scenario:
It's 8:59 am. Tuesday. I'm on the subway heading to work. It's hot. It's crowded. The air smells like ass and the guy standing next to me ate garlic and red wine for dinner last night. OH YES HE DID!

Me and my pregnant ass are wedged nicely around the subway pole and between 5 or so random travellers who are almost as miserable as the subway conductor who no one can hear unless you happen to be wearing a Whisper 2000. (I have a story about w2000, another time another place perhaps).

The intruder:

So here I am. Standing. That's right. Mindin' ma business. Trying to concentrate on the good things in life as opposed to that nasty fucker standing next to me. (You are lucky, you are carrying your first born child, you have a roof over your head, a nice roof in fact and Oh CHRIST YOU SMELL MOTHERFUCKER!) As we pull into the next station a woman starts to push her way through the mass and into me. "Excuse ME" she hisses in my ear as the subway wheels are screetching around the corner. Subway lady thinks it's time to make a move to the front doors. "No problem, I say, "it's alright, everyone is getting off at the next stop".

The conflict:

Subway Lady looks at me and says in one of the snottiest voices I've herad all week: "Oh Wow, aren't you the smart one". Okay. Here's where I start to get a little pissy. Who the fuck does this broad think she is? A) It's now 9:07am on a rainy tuesday morning. B) There is no possible movement in the train and C) Need I remind her that I'm knocked up and unable to navigate with the train as it rides the rails? I respond with a short and painfully dissapointed tone in my voice: "Ohhhhhhh, Shut up."

The escape:

The subway arrives at the next stop and the doors open. Subway Lady, who is clearly a loser and a fucking coward, turns to me as she shoves past me and says: "You'r Ugly!". HAHA! The first thing that came to mind as I laughed at her comment was that I immediately had to pee. But with all my might I pushed the IPU (Inappropriate Pee Urge) aside and replied lightheartedly: "Is that the best you've got?" Subway Lady bolted past me and off the train and as she sped along the platform our eyes met through the subway glass. The subway pulled away and I winked.

Don't fuck with me. I'm simply not in the mood.

I have to Pee!

2007-10-23T20:27:00.001-04:00

I have to pee, I have to pee!!!!!! This little baby is working it's way nicely into my bladder zone! UGH! It's no joke. Um...Holy shit pregnant women really DO have to pee more!

But here's the news. Gone are the days where you could grin and bear it. Gone are the days where you sat in math class thinking up every reason under the sun to get the hell out, and decided maybe going for a quick pee would be a great way to kill time. No. This is serious shit. Or, err...pee. There really is no middle-ground anymore where you can pee, or hold off. When the warning singals hit, you need a little tp and toilet time asap. Allow me to elaborate for just a moment...

Getting up 3 times a night to pee is now the norm. Peeing three or four times before I leave the house is standard. Just this morning I was walking to the subway, which really, should only take about 7 minutes and now takes me almost 15, and as I was passing the Tim Horton's I was at the same time plotting a quick BPI. Bathroom Pop-In. Is this what my life has come to? I now plan around peeing. But here's the best, and Dax, I know you are on the same page as me here. The PIAP is the worst for sure. This, to all you non-preggos, has to be the worst Pee offender. This is when you pee and then you immediately have to pee again. It's the brutal almighty Pee Immediately After Pee syndrome. Yeah. I might as well take my phone and laptop into the washroom at work and...hold that thought I just have to pee....

20 Weeks

2007-10-10T20:31:00.000-04:00

Wahoo! Today I've reached the halfway point of pregnancy. This little baby and I have already experienced so much together it's hard to believe in just 20 or so odd weeks we'll get to see eachother! I can't wait, but oh god, there is so much to do. I have been so wrapped up in writing about baby I have completely forgotten to talk about the new house that Huzb and I bought. Yeah so as if there isn't enough madness in my life, we bought and moved into this fabulous home just three short weeks ago. Huzb has been working his ass off day and night to get this place all set for when Baby arrives. He has ripped out stairs, decks and shrubs, not to mention a basement from hell that was chalk full of black mould and shaggy 70's carpeting. So nasty. So smelly. So outta there! He has painted (oh poor guy he really hates painting), built new stairs and is now about to tackle the basement. His timelines are aggressive, but knowing him, he'll get it done by his deadline. Wait! We also have to get the baby room set up, painted, and oh god, we need to buy furniture. Strollers, we need to pick out strollers. Ok Baby, I take it back. I'm so so so excited to meet you, to hold you and to craddled you to sleep. To teach you and guide you and painfully watch you make mistakes that you will learn from. To watch Huzb care for you. Make you wise and strong. But I'm hoping the next 20 weeks will go by slowly because we have so much to do!

Oh...and the lack of recent belly shots? Yeah. We moved. There are boxes all over my house. In one of them sits a nicely folded USB cord for my camera.

Sigh.

Happy Birthday Dax!

2007-09-21T09:37:00.000-04:00

Today is a celebration day! Today, as is every 21st day of September, is Dax's birthday. But this year, for a few reasons, it is a little extra special then some of the others. This time last year we were wrapping up a killer 4, or was it 5 day bender in Vegas for a double-header wedding/birthday celebration week for Dax and Champers. Ok, last year was pretty significant too. Hey why do you always have such great and exciting birthdays? I might take a chapter out of your book some time. I digress. The Huzb and I flew in from Vancouver to witness the Vegas Vows, throw a few 20's on black and soak up some rays. Well, that's not really how it went down for all of us, but that might be left for another post.

It took me all week to register really what was going on. To realize that Dax was getting married, that the two of us as such closely bonded friends, had now both entered into a new stage of our lives. That we now lived in different cities. That we could manage, although sometimes barely, the reality of long distance friendship. And so off we went, after a week of debauchery and wonderful memories, back to our said new lives and homes.

Today, the picture is drastically different, and yet ironically the same. Today, we are entering yet another stage of our lives. Today we are mothers-to-be. And today, I am so happy to know, we are back in the same city and able to create and share such wonderful times and memories together.

Happy Birthday Dax. May all your hopes and dreams come true.

I love you and I am so glad you are going first.

;)

Dings.

16 Big Ones

2007-09-17T22:52:00.000-04:00

...and no, I don't mean years old. I mean weeks. 16 weeks pregnant. Let's take a look at the then and now shall we?

...10...

Clearly 11, 12 and 13 I was feeling like ass because we don't tune in again until 14...

(You can still see a glimpse of my abs. Upper quadrant work with me here!)

15...

16...

...tomorrow I'll officially be 17 weeks. One thing is for sure, I'm growing!

Baby Mine

2007-09-15T01:59:00.000-04:00

Today, I heard your heart beat.
Today, I give you mine.
Today, I promise to put your life and dreams first.
Today, and for always, you are my Baby Mine.

Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine

Little one when you play
Don't you mind what they say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine

If they knew sweet little you
They'd end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for
the right to hold you

From your head to your toes
You're not much, goodness knows
But you're so precious to me
Cute as can be, baby of mine.

start of something good...

2007-09-11T22:16:00.000-04:00

What looks like a basket ball and rhymes with jelly? My belly. That's right. My belly. I'm 15 weeks pregnant and people are offering me their seats on the subway and throwing themselves in front of me when crossing the street. I have entered the realm of the priveledged. I have access to designated parking spots at BabiesRUs and Loblaws. I take special vitamins. I lie on my side at the RMT because she needs access to my growing hips and lying on my belly is out. I can no longer sleep on my back. I'm not allowed, they say it's dangerous for the baby. I get to shop for special clothes. I have entered the phase of flats. And the best part about all of this? I am, for the first time in my life, an overflowing B cup! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

It has been a dream of mine forever to be a Mother. I have known my entire life that I would someday, with the right person, share this absolute miracle of creation. I just didn't ever expect to feel everything I am feeling. To think everything I am thinking. To see things now, how I am seeing them. This is the start of something good. Let me explain...

60 seconds

2007-06-16T23:44:00.000-04:00

I don't even know where to begin? It seems as though my writing has gone completely off the hook! It's full on summer and maybe that's it? Or maybe it's the fact that I spend every waking minute that I am not at work, hunting for a house. Yes, yes that MUST be why I haven't had time to write. Or, maybe it's because I'm still getting settled in to my new job. Or, better still, maybe it's because I've been settling in to the Toronto living again? Whatever the reason, I a) haven't been keeping up with the blog and b) am completely drained of any type of artistic writer's whatever you call it? Oh yeah, block. Writer's block. Am taking a well deserved vacation with the Huzb and the O-dawg in 2 weeks. We're heading up to cottage land for a blissful week of calm and quiet. Perhaps that will inspire me.

Ahh....the joy of hot summer days...time to slow down for a while.

Dear,

2007-04-05T11:28:00.000-04:00

I have just recently given my oldest friend shit for not keeping up with her writing. This is her test. Will she read this, and other posts, and get inspired?

waiting...

Face IT

2007-04-05T11:22:00.000-04:00

OK I'm totally hooked. The Facebook phenomenon has taken me by storm. I can't start my day before logging in and checking out who has POKED me, written on my WALL, or added me to their friends list. Before lunch I have to log back in to check updates, (why don't I keep a window open all day? Great idea!) Before bed I have to TAG a few pics to my photo album entitled LIFE. What the HELL? I'm 32! Is this necessary? Yessssssssssssssssssssssssss!

Back in a bit...gotta check the NEWS FEED!

Bright Lights Big City

2007-03-11T21:20:00.000-04:00

I got a voicemail from a friend & colleague based in the Calgary, Alberta branch of my company last week. The voicemail said this: "Um...hey...it's me! Avi! And I'm just wondering what has happened to you? You are talking a mile a minute, your voicemail cut me off half-way through my message, and you're already closing deals? Holy cow you people in Toronto move fast! You're so GO GO GO! Call me dude!".

I think this is a tell-tale sign that a) I'm back to the old Dings, and b) this city really is fast-paced!

First day on the job the Huzb and I took the subway into work together - awe! - and as we walked up the stairs at St. Andrews station we both had to stop and stare. Up Up UP. Look at the buildings babe! I said to him. He looked Up, then at me, then cracked a smile. I turned to him and said: "Holy Shit! You're Michael J. Fox and this is Bright Lights Big City!" Needless to say we have been mildly shell-shocked by the size and speed of our hometown. How quickly we forgot as we settled for 2 years in the quaint downtown of Vancouver, nestled between mountains and ocean, with a silent lull of ship horns vaguely in the distance. Am I homesick? How could that be? Nah, just feeling the effects of the transition. But I gotta tell you, I might be rethinking the coffee habit I just kicked...I'm EXHAUSTED!!

back to normal

2007-02-23T21:24:00.000-05:00

21 days since we've been back in Toronto and we're almost back to normal. Not without a few bumps in the road, mind you.

Flight from Vancouver arrived on time and despite the fact our lil 'pup was temporarily "undelcared" at security and left to freeze on the -25 tarmac for 45 minutes, all of us, specialty wine collection included, arrived unscathed.

Our 5500+pounds of "stuff", although delayed by 7 days, arrived safe and unbroken and with the exception of 2 couches, a queen sized box spring and a book case, everything fit up the stairs!! (Failed to take specific measurements while rental house hunting in mad panic in late Decemeber. Who knew the box spring would be an issue??)

Our car arrived 10 days late - who knew we were going to run into a snag with the CP RAIL work-to-rule union boys? Thankfully, there was no 'joy riding', according to the Huzb's milleage cross check.

And what would a day in our life be without some sort of ailment? This time, Huzb visits the Dental Emerge and has a tooth pulled. 5 needles, a set of pliers to the jaw and 8 oxycontons later and he's all set! (so am i ...those things are POTENT!).

Monday - back to work for me...but I think I'll refrain for now. Quite frankly, I'm still trying to unwind with my glass of cab here.

Cheers...it's great to be back!

transient tales

2007-02-02T21:27:00.000-05:00

Transient Tales was born when I first moved to Vancouver, over 2 years ago. Daxi told me I needed an outlet and that this might be a great way to express the changes I was going through. She knew better then I, that with the exception of the Huzb, I'd soon be without fond shoulders to lean on, and familiar faces to laugh and cry with. Surely it was also a way to keep tabs on me and make sure I wasn't losing my mind! But she was right. This was a great project to keep my writing up and my spirits bright during rainy and cloudy times.

Today is officially the end of a very significant chapter in my life. I'm leaving a place that has been my home for over 2 years now. A place that has seen me grow both personally and professionally. A place that has offered so much to me and a place that will always stand out in my memory as one of the richest experiences of my life. It would be impossible to put into words the things I've seen, experienced and accomplished, or how much I have grown as a woman, a wife, a professional. When I moved here I hated it at first. I hated the seperation from everyone, the starting over from scratch. I hated the change. And now, I see it very differently, and I now see how important it is to live away for a while. British Columbia is a breathtaking part of our counrty. Canada is so diverse and so incredibly big, vast and beautiful, it is a shame that we spend so much to travel away from it on our time off, when there is a lifetime to experience right here! So I thank you, Huzb, for opening my eyes a little and for your love and patience throughout our adventure here. It has been an exceptional one for you and I both, and I'm so proud of all of our accompishments here together.

As it turns out, this city, ironically, is quite transient. It is a hub for international travellers looking to seek out their own transient tales. I was lucky enough to meet a few from afar who are now very dear to my heart and who someday, I will be able to visit in their home countries and cities, and experience more of what life has to offer.

For now, we head home. We start a new chapter. Accept the word home has changed slightly for me now. Before Toronto was home. Full Stop. Now, home is where your family is, where your friends are, where your heart is. The tales will continue, and so will the adventures.

14

2007-01-15T14:21:00.000-05:00

...days left until we move to Toronto.

HOLY

SHIT...

Changing Tides

2007-01-02T21:22:00.000-05:00

It should come as no surprise that life is a constant source of change. An ebb and flow. A transient motion through time and space. So why is it human nature to be taken aback whenever such regular supposed change comes to occur. Are we the ultimate double standard? We strive to improve and invent, yet dig our heels in the moment of implementation. We obsess about the next step, the next move, the next level, yet struggle so hard to get there we forget to enjoy.

the water ripples across the sand,
memories erupt as particles scour the ocean floor,
bubbles emerge, a reminder of life below.

a pebble stumbles across another,
motionless, they change in direction together,
they move in unison, a harmonic ebb and flow.

she sits at the waters edge,
piercing sun sets deep in the horizon,
a partial footprint vanishes before her eyes.

a shadow is cast from above,
salt water stings her eyes,
she is home.

Winter Wonderland!

2006-12-06T00:53:00.000-05:00

Vancouver Snow Storm 2006...the city came to a halt...

Almost!

coochy-coo!

2006-11-20T18:56:00.000-05:00

The two Bridget's and I - Wait...I should explain. 2 of my good friends, (I almost used the word 'mate') are from the UK and Australia. These two chicks keep me sane and laughing every day, and without them I'd most definitely be under my desk in convulsions for most of the work week. Their nicknames are plentiful, however after some recent, rather funny episodes, they are now appropriately known as Bridget Brit and Bridget Oz, after the adoring, loving, clumsy and absolutely hysterical Bridget Jones, who I think we can all relate to on one level.

So...back to my little story here.

The two Bridgets and I decided to take 5 and run downstairs to Starbucks for afternoon tea...a.k.a. Peppermint-Mocha-Frappa-UltraViolet-Latte's a-la non-fat Grande Whatever-the-fuck the Starbucks Special of the month is these days. Truly, a simple excuse to hop out of office for a minute or two. We stood in line gabbing away about the branch meeting that we had just sat through, that's right, 4 hours people, as we vented and discussed the most ridiculous ways to "add value" to our business. One of the most overused sales terms out there. And yes, I use it ALL the time.

I grabbed my hot drink off the bar and snapped the lid on while Bridget Brit went on about random office ridicule and Bridget Oz spoke animatedly about this person, and that situation. In the millisecond that passed, Bridget Oz flipped her hand and knocked the lid off my cup, inadvertently also 'cupping my cooch' on the way. You can imagine the shrills of laughter from all three of us as we tried to gather enough composure to get me a new lid and get the hell out of the establishment. Through tears of laughter, Bridget Brit recalled a time not so long ago where she inadvertently cupped my 'left one' while trying to brace herself from a fall due to an 'awkward high-heel mishap with a grate on a street in Calgary'. (What am I a tree?)

Bridget Oz turned to us through tears of laughter and confessed: Don't think I am mortified because of my actions girls, I'm mortified because I have never heard the word COOCH!

Ah...the joys of being friends with foreigners.

More on the pineapple

2006-11-19T13:30:00.000-05:00

Ok this is not a funny joke. Sitting on wet hot ass bus on Friday in teaming rainfilled fresh-water deprived city that is supposedly on the map to be one of the best places in the world to live. Middle-aged lady turns to dude in front of her and says: "Hey...we're riding the pineapple express in the pinepple express."
Dumb...so dumb...

Polka-Roo Yoga Guy discovered!

2006-11-15T13:30:00.000-05:00

At last! I found Polka-Roo Yoga Guy! Let me explain...

2 years ago I moved to Vancouver. 2 years ago I had my last yoga class with Shanti. 2 years ago I hoped to meet Shanti's referral Polka-Roo Yoga Guy in my new home town. Last night...I finally met him!

An urgent email popped up in my hotmail inbox from Shanti telling me she had once again found Polka-Roo Yoga Guy and to go check out his class. Eagerly, I googled him and saw that he was once again, teaching a class near my house on Tuesday's at 5:45. YES! I'm there!

The class was amazing. Full of energy and breath and flow and (oh man I sound like a yogi!) I worked and sweated my ass off! I'm a little rusty, sad to say, but I made it through every sun salutation, and didn't cheat once in transition from upward to downward dog!

After class I went up to P-RYG and said: "Hi, I've been looking for you for 2 years! My names is Dings and Shanti sent me...!" He smiled and started to remenisce about Shanti (he says you're a little power house!!) I thanked him for such a great class and promised to see him again next week.

So...Thank you Shanti for your email and for your inspiration. I hope someday the 'originals' can all meet again and do a class...it was such an amazing experience and one that I miss tremendously.

om shanti!

am i HIP?

2006-11-13T17:03:00.000-05:00

By no means am I a trend setter. I didn't chop and bleach my hair in the platinum phase of the late 90's, I don't have a Luis Vuitton handbag, immitation or the real deal, I never had a Beaver Canoe sweatshirt and I never pinned my pants. Ok lies, I pinned my pants in 1988 and it was horrible!

In my early childhood I was exposed to a rather narrow scope of music. My Father, who has varying educational degrees, studied classical music at U of T, his instrument was the flute and he played it beautifully. He is the biggest classical influence in my life, to this day, and so it was natural that this is what was mostly heard in our household growing up. With the notes of Johann and Amadeus also came jazz and the syncopated rhythm's of George Gershwin, Jimmy Van Heusen and Oscar Peterson. The smooth saxophone tones of Stan Getz, the manipulated keys of Jacques Loussier, the soothing vocals of Ella, the queen. I guess I should clarify, when I say 'narrow' I suppose I really mean narrow in genre, as the world of classical and jazz are two in it's own. We had a limited variety of rock as well, if you consider Barbara Streisand, Barry Manilow and Johnny Mathis ROCK. But also, and these were cottage staples, we had Willie Nelson, ABBA and SuperTramp. That was pretty much it for the non-classical stuff. And in my early world, that was just fine.

However, it started to dawn on me, in about grade 4, that there was more to life then Chopin and Charlie Bird. There were more radio stations on the dial then CJRT. There was more to life then CBC. Something called...music videos? This notion hit me like a ton of bricks one day after school when a girlfriend and I were flipping through tv channels: Scooby Doo, Three's Company, Inspector Gadget...Chum FM 30 minute countdown...What the heck is this?

I lost my music video virginity to Corey Hart's Sunglasses at Night. I was in love. He was hot. He wore sunglasses at NIGHT! And like a dam bursting open, all of a sudden I was introduced to POP! Madonna, True Blue, Michael Jackson, Beat It, Cindy Lauper, Time after Time...

As I grew, as WE grew as a POP culture nation, I stayed tuned in. But still, I was never the girl to run out and buy the first latest HIT. I simply relied on others in whatever 'group' I was hanging out with, to keep me in the loop. Strange, I think it now, as I am such a music lover. All kinds of music, with the exception of 'death metal'. (I don't get it.)

One summer, after highschool, maybe even after University it's all a bit of a blur, I was lounging on a doc up at a cottage near Bobcaygeon and on came a song with the lyrics I'll never forget:

I left your house this morning about a quarter after nine
Coulda been the Willie Nelson coulda been the wine
When I left your house this morning
It was a little after nine
It was in Bobcaygeon I saw the constellations
Reveal themselves one star at a time...

"Who the hell is this?" I asked...
"The Hip Dings...where the hell have you been?"
"The Hip?...The Tragically Hip?"
"Yeah Dings..."
"hmm.....I like them..."

And so I was proudly able to add them to my repertoire of music I considered to be good, cool, hip and Canadian.

But it wasn't until I met my husband that I really started to love the twang of Gord Downie's unmistakable vocals. My husband, similar to my Father's influence in this regard (relax fellow-Freudians!) is also a major musical influence in my life. I soon began to hear music with more openness then before. I was widening my scope once again.

Last week, I was lucky enough to see the HIP in concert on their latest tour at the Commodore in Vancouver. And although mildly disappointed that they didn't play Bobcaygeon, the concert was amazing. Who knew I had a little alternative rock in me? The venue, a favourite to any Vancouverite, is a stand-only bar with a wooden dance floor that would probably be the only thing west of Alberta to withstand 'the big one'. Halfway through the concert, I stopped and stood still in the middle of the crowd, heavy with lingering pot smoke and beer. Surrounded by 20 and 30 somethings with blurry eyes and gleaming smiles they intoxicated me as they chanted the lyrics along with the band. And as I stood there, taking it all in, a thought crossed my mind...am i HIP yet?

Ok, so clearly I was totally stoned, but you get my point.

chin up sister

2006-11-12T19:26:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning absolutely and thoroughly depressed. It was raining ass cats and dogs outside and the only thing in the world I wanted to do was roll over and go back to bed and wake up in Toronto with everything the way it used to be. Everything, of course, accept my husband and dog who I wouldn't trade in for the world. These two beings are the two reasons why I am still IN this damn city. And yes...I continue to vent the pros and cons of westcoast life. I digress. I'm venting here and I can say what I want, no matter how irrational and mean it is.

In and amongst my internal pouting session, the Huzb rolled over and said: "Do you want coffee?". OH I LOVE HIM!!!!! "Yesss...but I'm off coffee remember" I moaned, (maybe this is part of my problem) as the lil'pup jumped up on the bed and rolled onto my head. Nothing like an 80 pound lab to remind you how fragile your head can actually be! With the aroma of coffee brewing I hauled my ass out of bed and the three of us headed to the park in the rain for an hour's play session for you-know-who. On the way back, soaked and utterly stuck in my mood, I said: "fuck this...i'm going to the gym". I loaded up my MP3, packed my shit and hopped in the car. I knew I'd feel better if I could just go sweat for an hour.

Eager with this new rational thought, I wandered into the changeroom, got into my gear and threw my soaked raincoat and shoes into the closest locker. Remarkably, I managed a 25 minute run on the treadmill with ease, did some upper arm reps and a few hundred abs. Abs...yeah...always the first to go when falling out of gym routine. Let's hear it for JT and Christina to get me through the pain! On my way back to the changeroom, feeling much better, I noticed a man speaking to me. I pulled out one of my earphones and said: "Pardon me?". "You're eyebrows...they really suit your face...they are just stunning!" He smiled and walked away. I stood there for a moment, stunned, then thought to myself: what a nice man. He has no idea he has just made my day.

As I walked into the changeroom, dreading changing back into wet raincoat and shoes, I thought chin up sister, it ain't all that bad. Laughing to myself as I realized what a sucker I am for innocent compliments!

Pineapple Express

2006-11-06T18:41:00.000-05:00

It's official. The fucking rain is here.

"A one-day pineapple express has soaked the southern bc coast. 50 to 175mm of rain has drenched the area since the rain began Sunday afternoon. An additional 10 to 20 mm is possible before the rain eases tonight."

definition: The Pineapple Express is a Pacific Ocean subtropical jet stream that brings warm moist air from Hawaii (where pineapples are grown) to the U.S. West Coast states of California, Oregon, Washington, Alaska, as well as the Canadian province of British Columbia.

Madden-Julian oscillation drives Pineapple Express.The conditions are often created by the Madden-Julian oscillation, an equatorial rainfall pattern which feeds its moisture into this pattern.

...and I thought they were just a good diuretic...who knew?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Champagne Toast

2006-09-30T13:30:00.000-04:00

In this world, I have a handful of people that I know I can count on to be there at any given moment. You know, the ones who you could call without hesitation in the middle of the night, when you need a couch to crash on, when you're stuck in the rain, when you need a shoulder to cry on, when you need to simply laugh. Those people, although I prefer to call them soulmates, understand you more then you even understand yourself. They can finish a sentence, laugh at your tears, know your deepest hopes and fears, feel your own emotions. What is the turning point in a friendship that makes this happen? Is it one event that subconsciously triggers in your own heart that you know this relationship will last a lifetime? Is it a series of many things over time that creates the ultimate unbreakable bond? Maybe there is no one answer. Or maybe, it is all of the above.

My first recollection of Dax is one of juvenile jealousy and admiration. We were young, in grade 8 I think, at different schools but somehow hanging out with some of the same crowd. She was, as she still is, the epitome of natural beauty. She had big blond curly hair, which she mainly wore up in a pony tail, it was the late 80’s after all! A beautiful white smile, eyes that adored everyone, and the most perfect posture that even the best of ballerinas would kill for. Swarmed around her always were boys that had absolutely no idea what to say or how to act, and with her endearing maternal qualities, she would befriend them all.

Throughout our high school years we again, mingled in and out of each other’s social worlds, Dax sticking to this side of caution, me, always on the other. When I was interested in taking part in school, she was there, and it was she who I looked up to. It was she who inspired me, she who silently reminded me of who I wanted to be, who helped me want to succeed and get out of that place. And I did. We did! With a year lapse in between we reunited again at UWO. I had taken off a year to refocus, Dax as always, went straight at it. Our friendship flourished here. It was those years, now that I look back, that we did much growing, both individually into womanhood, and as friends. We celebrated life, we partied our asses off, we studied until dawn, we crashed on eachother's couches and borrowed eachother's stuff, we held eachother up while contemplating life, we succeeded. And as a gift to ourselves, post graduation, we planned a trip.

At the kitchen table we'd sit, morning, noon and night, and plan our every move. Maps, highlighters, scotch tape (what was the scotch tape for?) a rainbow of pens for colour coding plans, and of course, the infamous Let’s Go Europe book. The ritual that it became, was symbolic of many things, but most fondly, for the memories that have since been made. With Weirdo in tow, we took Europe by storm, and sealed our friendship forever.

So here we are, well over a decade since we met, and you Dax, are still the all-encompassing natural beauty and pillar of strength that I saw in you way back when we were young. You have given me a gift well beyond words. I look at you and Champers and see an overflowing fountain of love and respect for each other; that is an exciting and precious gift, one which you fully deserve. As we continue to move through life, with confidence and sometimes unassuredness, you have me always. Although right now far away, and sadly unable to be as close to you as I wish, I am here experiencing life right along with you. This is what I know - this is truly the definition of soulmates. This Dax, is why I love you.

Congratulations to you both, a Champagne Toast, I couldn’t possibly be happier for you.

Let it RIDE!

2006-09-17T17:43:00.000-04:00

Today is an exciting day!!! In a few hours I'll be on a plane with my husband headed for Vegas to celebrate my best friend's wedding. Wow. Daxi's getting hitched ~ Vegas Styles!

Have I got everything?
Otis to Camp Good Dog - check
Garbage out - Check
Purse to match yellow dress - Damn it! Still haven't figured that one out yet, but the wedding is tomorrow, still have time.
Bags packed - check
Presents purchased - check check check...heh ;)
Dishes done, floors cleaned and all the other shit that takes place when leaving for a week - check, sort of. Okay, didn't vaccuum, but did wash floors.
Manicure/Pedicure - check
Hair cut and colour - CHECK!!!!
Passport - check

...and the rest doesn't really matter. I'm gonna be surrounded by friends and family and ringing bells and flashing lights; the constant sounds of coins dropping and chips clicking in hands full of anticipation, anxiety and hope; dice cracking down the tables, wheels spinning and people hollering LUCKY S-E-V-E-N! And in and amongst all of this obsessiveness and craziness, where the lines of Sin and Virtue collide, I will be there to celebrate with my best friend and those closest to her, a union between two people. Their love and their choice to be together through it all, to be there for the wins and the losses, for the ups and the downs, because life is life, and you just never know what you're gonna get dealt...sometimes you just gotta let it ride.

Isn't that what love is all about? Some things are unexplainable, sometimes you win big unexpectedly. Daxi and Champers did - they are simply lucky in love.

Cliche? Totally...but that's Vegas baby...and by the way...that's life!

Toronto the bad...

2006-09-10T23:03:00.000-04:00

december shootings
smog
8am herding
24-7 traffic jams
humidex warnings
sars
minus 30, with the "wind-chill"
subway delays
jumpers
homeless in january
annual death toll on the 400
the west mall
holly jones
mel lastman
concrete jungle

Toronto the good...

2006-09-09T02:49:00.000-04:00

walking up the stairs at young street station
seeing black and white and every colour in between
carribanna
taste of the danforth
shopping on bloor
queen street west
driving east along the gardiner at night
whelan's pub
old mill station
my first love
my only love
hot sticky summer july nights
crispy fall november days
hearing the buzz
feeling the pulse
international cuisine
the ttc
the red rocket
the 400
the kawartha's
the waterworks
the toronto beaches jazz festival
the toronto film festival
canada's wonderland
the medway
the fox theatre
webber's
lick's
sunsets over lake ontario
high park proposals
running along the kingsway
canoeing along lake kawagama
the singer at the corner of young and bloor
the financial district
the o'keefe
mama mia
the national ballet
corso shoes
the woodbine racetrack
carmen's
old friends
sam the record man
neville park blvd.
home

Toronto the bad...what gives?

2006-08-09T12:37:00.000-04:00

This morning I woke up to a debate on CBC discussing in general terms, the issue of why everyone in our country, and more specifically, everyone in Vancouver, hates everyone and everything about Toronto. The debate, although I'm a bit foggy on the details as it was 6:15am, went on to suggest that Torontonians are mostly to blame for their own bad reputation, they are the egocentric pulse of the country, and they rank #1 as the most likely to complain about where they live. Ouch!

This has motivated me to offer my personal views on the subject, as for the past 2 years I've been residing in Vancouver, I am also a Toronto native. Please join me as I work through the pros and cons of living in each city in attempt to uncover the true reasons why Toronto gets such a bad rap.

Stay tuned...

Imelda Marcos...R.I.P.

2006-08-05T00:22:00.000-04:00

In light of Beeches recent post Stop! In the Name of Love I have become obessed with spotting the ever-so-dreaded-recent-trend...The Boulder, Colorado born Crocs. These shoes are undoubtedly the ugliest footwear to ever hit the pavement. At $29.99US, it's not all that surprising that these Ozone killers are polluting not only our environment in production but more importantly, our sense of style!

Now, in defense of the medical and health communities aroud the globe that, understandably, must be in a sterile environment, and where comfort is paramount, I would agree that Crocs are a step up from the plastic 'Garden Shoe' that Birkenstock butchered years back in the two ugliest of all primary colours - green and yellow. By the way, since when does Heidi Klum have her own line? But for the rest of us in gen-pop, have we not one ounce of shame?

Today, in the city of Vancouver, home of the 2010 Winter Olympics, Telus and Granville Island Pale Ale, I counted 5 professionals in pseudo-business attire donning these reptilian namesakes. I mean people, we FINALLY traded in the t-bar and low rise jeans for leg warmers and cinched waists!

May Imelda Marcos Rest in Peace!

I Reminisce i reminisce

2006-07-01T00:14:00.000-04:00

It's the summer going into grade 12. Almost done. Two more years. She's in her room getting ready for yet another girlz-night-drink-fest-euchre-party. Whitey'll host tonight. Sometimes it's at Dings' house. It’s mid-week, not tonight.

She stands in front of her full length mirror, unbeknownst to her, a young woman is starting to emerge. Half dressed in her white baggy low rise button-fly jeans and black Elite sports bra, she dissects her complexion pore by pore. Hair up? Hair down. “Hello? Hey what’s up. Yep. Got it earlier. When are you headin’ out? What about drinks, you wanna hit the beer store or are we gonna dial a bottle? Ok. No fuck that shit he’s not gonna be there, we’re fucking over. He fucked around on me. Again. Fucking asshole motherfucker piece of shit. Ok, see you in a bit. Peace.”

She takes a long drag off her cigarette, blows O’s and studies each one as it ripples through the air chasing the next in line. Music cranked, Pete Rock and CL Smooth; such a wicked sax riff. The base line rattles her Victorian-style bedroom window that frames a Cherry Blossom tree in full bloom. Propped open with an old copy of Catcher in the Rye, she leans out the window to peer down the street. Hoodlums on BMX’s. Losers. She thinks a lie: “Fuck I can’t believe I used to hang with guys like that.” Momentarily, she secretly misses her first true love.

Turning her attention back to herself, she practices her pout in the mirror. Shoulders back, stomach in, hip out, hands on hips, side profile, chin down and to the left, hands off hips, left side, right side, more eyeliner, less bronzing beads, lose 5 pounds, flex. Fuck! It’s almost 8!! Time to go. She throws on a black tank top, steps into her 10-hole docs and applies her Chelsea Mac Lipstick. Satisfied with how she looks, flicks off the light and takes off down the stairs.

In the shadows of her bedroom, a Mickey Mouse gift bag collects dust.

15 minutes = laughs for a lifetime

2006-06-14T19:24:00.000-04:00

So...a few weeks back I hit the tdot for a little R&R family 'n friends kick. Well needed and well deserved, to say the least. I'll refrain from talking about my corporate "issues" online, because well, as a friend of mine has lived to tell, it can bite you in the ass!

My BF Dax was kind enough to host a little soiree to celebrate spring, their new swank balcony furniture and who's kidding who here...me! Thanks by the way dude, as per...it was a blast!

Quickly friends began to arrive, donning butts, beers and champagne, like the good ol' days and excitedly I began to catch up with fond stories and memories gone by. I was a little daunted to learn that to some from my highschool days, I am fondly, or pathetically, remembered as "The Bat Girl" after having survived an episode of 'guys gone mad on crack with bats', a quick hospital jaunt and a cupie 100 T3s later, I live to tell. But has become rather light hearted and humerous a mere 13 years later.

In walks Scarbs...one of my favourite people on earth, she really is - blunt, hysterical and as many have witnessed, a damn good author. Immediately we pick up where we left off, and within minutes we are entranced in getting all "caught up". Yeah Yeah, I run now and how did you know I'm a size 5? You check my 7s label? But truthfully, it ain't the sea wall babes, it's the water! That seasalt runs right through ya!

A myseterious static sound peaked my hearing as it clicked incessantly over the music and laugther that filled Daxi's warm and welcoming living room. And within moments, just like in the movies people, slow motion and everything the words "Your hair is on fire" came out of a fellow partier's mouth and all around people leapt for Scarbs' head! For some strange instinctive reason, I chose to reach right for her burning hair and, while locked eyes with Dax who was standing behind Scarbs at the kitchen sink, scouring the sink no doubt, we collectively patted down her head and reassured her that it really was not that bad.

And that was only in the first 15 minutes! I haven't even gotten to random exciting announcements and the Matty dance...WHO could possibly forget the Matty dance...

And that's what memories and friendships are all about...did I use the word "random" correctly? I'm so old...

baby's first bark?

2006-05-18T16:53:00.000-04:00

The other day, me and the O-Dog were hanging out in the home office just getting caught up on work and stuff ~ okay so just getting caught up on surf-time, when I suddenly felt the urge for a nice cuppa' tea. Off I dashed into the kitchen to put the kettle on when I heard a noise that startled me and well, let's face it, scared the living crap out of me. Nearly dropping the kettle and running in a panic back towards the office, I was trying to justify in my mind the sound that I had just heard. Stopped in my tracks I looked straight ahead at the O-Dog, who was staring right back at me like a deer in headlghts. Half standing, tail pointed, ears perplexed, head tilted. I asked: "Is there a German Sheppard running loose in the house or did you just BARK?"

My little- nearly-one-year-old-yellow-lab-puppy who has never once made a peep other then hysterical cries of excitement when he's in the car, barked for the first time! Startled by the deep testosterone-infused sound that he had just expelled into the world, I started to laugh! and like a proud maternal being that I have started to slowly unleash, I screamed and grabbed his two front paws and danced with him around the living begging him to bark again! Otis...Speak! Otis...Bark! Good Boy Otis...BARK!!!!

After a few moments we stopped, he looked up at me once again, lay down on my feet, groaned and passed out.

Ignorance is bliss.

a quick note about laundry...

2006-05-07T12:47:00.000-04:00

IT FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!

a hundred miles and runnin...

2006-04-24T12:47:00.000-04:00

Well not quite...try 10K!

Yesterday was the annaul Vancouver Sun Run, an event that is coveted and well-known in the running community of Vancouver and across the country. (For the non-locals, the Vancouver Sun is the major newspaper, equivalent to TorStar, and is the major sponser of the run) I, personally, had never heard of it before moving out here a few years ago, and was caught off guard one day when I tried to do a little spring-shopping and realized there was not one open street, bridge or sidewalk that would get me to the small but vibrant downtown core.

This year, an overzealous colleague took it upon herself to enrol our firm as a "corporate team". So I joined. Why not? I hike, I jog a bit, I walk my puppy alot, I can do this! Back in January when I signed up I thought: This will be GREAT! It'll be perfect time for me to get into shape for summer where I'll SURELY be hiking up mountains and attacking switch-back after switch-back.

Eagerly, I keyed in my personal user and password information, printed off the 10K route that I'd have down pat by the time race day comes, and posted a running training chart on my wall that I found on-line, thanks to my boss. (Yeah, he ran a marathon once and nearly died. Should have been my first clue.)

There it was, all the information I needed to get into shape. To welcome spring with gusto! And some super cut quads to boot! And there it was, tacked to my bulletin bored, with one checkmark beside Week 1.
Mon Walk and Xtrain.
Tues Run 20-25 minutes.
Wed. Walk or Xtrain.
Thurs Run 20-25 min.
Fri walk or Xtrain.
Sat OFF!!!!!
Sunday 2 mile. 2 MILES?? Fuck this! I'm hung to the tits!

The digressing and procrastinating grew with every week that past. I became so immune to the chart on my bulletin board that I began to tac other odd reminders and industry-buzz facts over top. It became an inspirational failure. By March, the orange highlighter that I had so eagerly traced over the course to keep me enthused, had faded.

"April 2006 Sun Run!" now read "A l 06 su un ."

Last Monday, the dreaded email popped up in my inbox - "Hey Guys!! The Sun Run is nearly here! Get your last week of training in, don't pull a muscle, see you on the course 8:30 Sunday April 24!"

Oh I'm so Fucked! Can I possibly use the excuse My Dog Ate My Running Shoe? This was true, sadly, I had recently come home to see one of my Saucony's in his mouth, with the entire heel shredded around him, but I couldn't bail out like that! That's so WEAK!

Tuesday night, I dragged my ass down to the local Coast Mountain Sports, bought a new pair of Asics, and thought screw it, I'll walk!

All day Friday the emails buzzed across through my inbox, planning start times, end times and meeting times, and one-by-one, people began to drop out. "Sorry guys, I'm sick, won't be there Sunday...good luck!" "Hey ALL - Might have a date Saturday, just in case, I won't be there" The more I read, the better I felt, I have a new pair of runners and a wining smile, I'm gonna kick some ASS!

Friday night - shared a pitcher with my husband over a plate of greasy Dirty-Bird. Couldn't resist! An old Ontario fav that we cling to!

Saturday monring - Took dog to beach, thought about going for a quick jog, cleaned house instead.

Saturday night - had a glass of wine with dinner, okay fine, 2! Went to bed with a knot in my stomache, not too sure if it was the food or the nerves.

Sunday morning - 6:15am - Race Day!

Woke up feeling scared and excited. You know the feeling. You're gonna barf and hiccup and laugh all at the same time? Right. I had suddenly realized that I wouldn't be the only person running this damn thing! A record 50,000 people were expected to gather on West Georgia Street to run this race. Race!? I'm being timed? ALL these thoughts flooded over me as I showered, put on my gear and ran out the door with an apple in my mouth, and a hip sack with cell phone, just in case I didn't make it! "Good Luck babe - I'm proud of you!" said the Huzb as I headed towards the door - "Thanks...I'm gonna fucking die!"

Got to the office, hooked up with my colleagues and the three of us, the last ones standing, headed towards the start line. "Well, one of them said, "at least this way we'll all have a place on the podium". Right. I thought, I'll be laid out and you two will have to carry my sorry ass, but whatever.

The anticipation in the crowd was exciting to me. And if you know me you're thinking 'holy SHIT you've changed' as there was once a time when i could barely go on the subway let alone deal with crowds of this mass. We were to start in packs (thank god someone thought of that, I mean can you imagine 50,000 people all running at the same time?) and had to wait about an hour for our moment of glory to begin as we ran past the start line and took off for our run.

As we started past the finish line, I was elated to feel how fresh and energized I felt. The sun was shining, I was running alongside to work pals, and the scnery around us was breathtaking. Nothing like a backdrop of mountains and glistening snowpeaks to get you in the moment. Before I knew it we were 3km in, had passed throught the outskirts of Stanley Park and heading towards Beach Ave where we would run along the sea line until we reached Burrard Bridge! We're half-way there already? Holy shit! I need water! This is amazing! I'm so happy I'm feeling great! (clearly the endorphins were kicking in hard, I felt like I'd just flipped an e!)

Luckily, I really needed to pee, or I totally would have overexerted myself, I mean you don't just pick up and run 10K without any TRAINING do you?! So, we decided to pull back and slow down. The sun was really starting to beat down, we were thirsty and I did I mention I really needed to PEE?!

We speed-walked a good portion of the last half and ran the last Km into the stadium. Total Chariots of Fire moment here people, we looked like SUCH losers, arms up in the air, running full speed, mouths wide open with ear to ear smiles, what a moment! (Thank god for fresh air - talk about oxygen deprived!) High-fives and Hugs all around...We Did It!!!! Let's EAT!!!!!

Monday morning: Quads are locked. High-heels aren't helping. Need Advil Extra-Strength. Abs hurt. Hips stiff. Wondered slowly into kitchen at work to pour coffee and checked out the front cover of the Vancouver Sun. Vancouver Sun Run 2006 - See results inside!

Quickly, I scanned the thousands of alphabetized names to find my time:

92 minutes, 52 seconds.

Not bad, for the first run of the season!

...and then he grew...

2006-04-21T12:18:00.000-04:00

1 Ikea couch...$299.00

The 'O' Dog

2006-04-20T19:05:00.000-04:00

A picture really IS worth a thousand words.

Cinque-Terre Reverie

2006-04-15T01:16:00.000-04:00

My girl Dax has inspired me to take a stroll down memory lane and haul out the Europe Journal from our trip to Europe in '98.

I haven't really sat and thought about this trip for quite some time. As time passes, I think the meaning of the trip changes for me. For what was a post-gradutaion present to ourselves that Dax and I strategically saved for, and planned for at her kitchen table for the better half of summer vacation, is now evidence of my growth and independence. Evidence of a bond between friends that will never be forgotten or altered. Weirdo, Dings and Dax DID Europe 98! I still can't believe Weirdo made it! I can't believe we all made it.

September 5 1998
lyrics from a song we made up and sung (okay fine, Weirdo and I sung to drive Dax mental) while hiking through the 5 towns in Cinque-Terre, Italy.

I don't know but I've been told,
There are 5 towns in a cove,
With fresh showers on the beach,
It's a rocky ride but there ain't one leach!

Mama Rosa was the boss,
She saw us coming from across,
the train station that smelled like pee,
Looked like hell, but it was by the sea.

one, two, Chad and Sister Sue,
three, four, we bought a post-card store (in)
one, two, three, four...five Towns!

We hit town four on day 2,
The hostel there was spanking new,
and standing at the pop machine,
was Siri Jordan from BC!

Gigi fed us for 2 days,
cleared up Dingle's stomache pains,
The girls and boy got sun at the beach,
let's hear it for those EURO-BEATS!

one, two, the Med is clear blue,
three, four, hiking was a chore in -
one, two, three, four...FIVE TOWNS!

Azure Sky

2006-04-13T15:00:00.000-04:00

I just came across this sketch I wrote during my trip across Canada and the Western United States with my, at the time, husband-to-be...I was mesmerized by the flatness of the fields and the never-ending big skies that encapsulate the Canadian prairies. How amazing are the weather patterns that change right before your eyes. Cyclone twisters hover in the distance, while you are caught in a tunnel of sunshine rays. Much like the tumble weed that was plentiful, I had one amazing journey.

There it goes, floating across the road
In front of me more lines, colliding into one
It's picking up speed, collecting stuff
Like a memory, it can't reverse what it holds

At a glance you miss it's intricate design
A complicated web of particles and earth
History is tangled in a confusing ball
Rolling along ignoring the signs

Electricity shocks the azure sky
A vertical slide drops down from the clouds
Static air forces nature to react
Ominous sounds give a menacing reply

And it tumbles along with force
As we stumble along our course
He reaches over and touches my face

Colours - I ain't black and white!

2006-03-28T13:06:00.000-05:00

Ok.

So I have been asked to do this Tag-Snapshot of me. Secretly when I was reading Scarbs’ latest post I too was hoping OH Pick Me! I love to talk about myself! Although strangely enough, hate being put on the spot and being centered out. Like, at my bridal shower I was a complete disaster, too much BRIDE focus.

Anyhow, I’m digressing, here goes. Please note, I’m not a fan of forms, I get nervous and usually panic, this is kind of like a form.

Accents: I don’t get it. I’m white. Canadian. Dad’s got traces of British, Mom’s got traces of German. Sounds like everyone else in my neighbourhood growing up. I grew up in the Beaches in Toronto. That’s right the BEACHES, not the BEACH!

However, much like, well, all my friends, I too, have different accents and slang I slip into depending on who I’m talking to, or about, for example:

Surfer-speak: Duuuuuuuude…..what’s up?! Is pretty much what I say whenever talking to Blondie. We slip into the surfer dude/dudette speak and talk in circles for at least 5 minutes before getting to the point. This happens when you’ve known someone for like, a million years. I do it with Scarbs too actually, jokes.

I tend to talk in drunken-speak sometimes too, when I want to make somebody laugh, nothing like slurring and hiccupping to get the giggles! Oh, and I love Italians, they amuse me, or anyone with a fiery European flare, so I sometimes imitate them, out of admiration.

Booze of Choice: Oh boy, this could be long-winded. It SO depends on the atmosphere and setting, I’m sure you all agree.

For the relaxing romantic and extravagant eating. Or Anytime I need to feel sophisticated, like Sunday afternoon with the paper: Red Wine. Full-bodied, dry and with a kick. I’ll admit, I have completely turned into a wine snob. It happens after years of consuming the cheap stuff. I am totally off the Shiraz band wagon. HateYellow Tail and anything that the Auzzie’s will send over to us NA’s (I have sources that tell me they refuse to send us their good shit!) Yes, I’m definitely a Merlot and Cab girl, right after my own Daddy’s heart!

Fun in the sun, chillin’ patio styles, or Sunday afternoon with the paper in the summer time: Beer Beer and more Beer. My current favs – Corona with loads of lime (I miss Mexico), Stella and Granville Island Pale Ale (BC makes some damn good brews!)

Night on the town: G&T’s baby! Doubles, with extra lime!

Okay, moving on, or we’ll be here all day.

Chore I Hate: Dishes. Hate doing them. AND I have a dishwasher. I think I hate doing them so much because all I want to do after I eat is relax, but can’t, because I can’t relax until the dishes are done. It’s a vicious circle really.

Dog or Cat: Dog! 10 month old yellow lab, named Otis. I grew up with cats, and although miss having cats around, I really can’t imagine life now without a dog. He really is our little man, he’s the centre of attention, and we don’t have kids yet. Should be interesting.

Essential Electronics: Lap Top. Hair Dryer. Hair Straightener. MP3. Cell. Coffee Maker. Is there an outlet on that deserted island?

Favourite Perfume/Cologne: This is tough. For YEARS I wore Clinique Happy. Then one day I broke up with my ex and tossed it all in the garbage. Can you say: Scent Association? Heh. Now I’m really into Oscar de la Renta Rosamor and Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue (for going out at night, which is rare, so the bottle is still pretty much untapped). And oh my god does everyone remember Exclamation? Can you believe the come back? On guys: Issey Miyake is my all time fav, used to wear it myself back in the day. Huzb rarely wears cologne, I’m with you Scarb, his deod’s is HOT!

Gold or Silver: Preferably Platinum. But I ain’t JLo. So that’d be silver. Gold makes my skin look too olive. Although, lately, I’m kinda diggin’ the big gold hoops again.

Hometown: Toronto, Ontario Canada. Can a get a whoot whoot for the Tdot? (Ok so I also sometimes talk in very bad gangster-speak).

Insomnia: Never. Unless I’ve had copious amounts of red wine and chocolate cake for desert.

Job Titles: Currently – Sr Consultant for Accounting and Finance. a.k.a. Head Hunter. Previously: Account Manager, Regional Sales Rep, Sales & Marketing Associate, Receptionist, Shoe Sales Extraordinaire! Merchandiser, a quick stint at Centreville, babysitter.

Kids: One on the way! GOTCHA! Kidding. Not yet. Soon.

Living Arrangements: Spacious 2 bedroom/2bath flat in the heart of Vancouver, BC. Paying a ridiculous amount in rent, but that’s nothing compared to the real estate out here. Can you say: Fucking RIP OFF!?

Most Admired Trait: Oh boy. This is tough. Gotta’ be my personality. I’m outgoing, funny, and I don’t give a shit. People like that about me.

Number of sexual partners. Currently? 1. In my whole life? I need a drink to work this out, so I’ll say definitely over 10, under 15. Somewhere in that mid range. I think. Might have to call a few sources to confirm….check please!

Jesus this is a marathon, I need to get on the phones here…

Overnight Hospital Stays: Well, discounting when I was born, which I think was about 12 days back in the 70’s. I’d say 1. Brace Yourselves. At a highschool graduation party, I was attacked by a gang of party crashers. Was beaten over the head and left side of my body with blunt objects and pipes. Don’t remember much accept telling the people around me to find my shoes, and telling, no ordering the doctor that if he had to cut off any of my hair as he was stitching up my head, I’d kill him. That, and a tremendously bad headache for about 3 weeks, and a mad prescription for T3’s.

Phobias: Flying. Although getting better. I once took a flight from Boston to Toronto and had a full on panic attack as the plane started to taxi down the run-way. I ordered them to let me off. They told me softly that if they were to do so, they’d have to inconvenience the rest of the passengers and crew by unloading all of them…something about a safety issue for possible terrorism. Whateverthefuck, they managed to shut me up by bumping me to first class and shoving double rum and cokes in my face. Most embarrassing moment can also be covered here, is that one of the questions in this marathon? The Captain opened up the cockpit door and had me escorted into the cockpit shotgun seat where I got to sit for the whole flight. Yeah, not so much fun doing the drunken walk of shame past the team of ridiculously hot rugby players to the cockpit. Felt like I was on my way to the principal’s office. True Story.

Quotes: For the optimistic: Nothing Ventured Nothing Gained, For the cynic: The only two sure things in life are Death and Taxes. For the impulsive shopper: You can’t take it with you! For the jokes: Ahh….shed a tear fuck it!

Religion: My own. Was baptized Anglican. Don’t even understand why. Have a funny story about the Catholic Rosary but I really need to get to work. Another time.

Siblings: One crazy funny hilariously loving brother. Aged 35. Actor. Trying to make a piece of history in LA. One of my idols because he is doing exactly what he wants to do.

Time I wake up: 6:15am. Gotta walk dog, prepare fruit salad to go, shower, dress and be out the door by 7:45.

Unusual Talent/Skill: I really don’t know.

Vegetables I refuse to eat: Beets. I was once forced to sit at the dinner table for hours after dinner was over, and stare at my beets until I ate them. This is some kind of fucked up discipline that surely isn’t practiced by the modern parent. Talk about a great way to bring on the eating disorders! More on that too, in another blog.

Worst Habits: Random nail biting. Defensive. Stubborn. Getting up exactly 5 minutes after lights out to go pee, again.

X-Rays: Don’t know. I think I had one on my ankle once when I used to dance ballet. Oddly enough, never head a head x-ray.

Yummiest Food I make: Lemon Supreme Cake.

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn.

Hey that was fun! Feel like I just had dinner and drinks with you! And that was clearly the longest post I have posted to date.

Next?

White fur balls and other fun stuff...

2006-03-26T23:57:00.000-05:00

You would think that by spending the last 4 days alone with the lil pup, I would have had the time to blog, blog and more blog.

Shortly after my last post, we learned that a very good friend's father died suddenly in his sleep. When we heard the news, everything stopped. I said Huzb, pack your bags, you have to go home and be with him and the family. I'll take care of everything. (Typically how I handle dramatic, sad or shocking events. My mind races and starts planning the following days to come - I become shockingly clairvoyant, focussed and in control. Odd)

So, 2 days later, I drove Huzb to the airport and was left with 1 empty disaster of a house (still not completely back to normal from recent trip to sunnyville) and 1 hyper puppy to tackle on my own for the weekend.

To spare all of the mundane details, it is 9:26pm on Sunday night. The house is immaculate. Floors are relatively dog-furless, the walls that are white, are fingerprint-less, lil pup is snoring, hell, there's even a chocolate birthday cake in the fridge, iced, for the huzb when he returns home tomorrow night.

Holy shit I went completely domesticated on my own ass and got totally lost in my own thoughts for a few days. Is today Sunday? Christ I have to WORK tomorrow? What the fuck...?

Stay tuned for upcoming blogs where I unleash the last few days of serenity.

Grass is always greener

2006-03-17T14:36:00.000-05:00

Day 5. Back from vacation. Wrapping up first week of reality. No more tequila sunrises, no more daiquiri umbrellas, no more nice Mexican man delivering my drinks to me on the sand.

I am a cynic by nature, I'll admit. I spin unpleasant events into humourous anecdotes for my own amusement. I laugh at myself when I do stupid things. HELL I laugh at others when they do stupid things. But I always count my blessings.

During the weeks, days and hours leading up to my trip, it was enough to send an email or make a phone call without thinking about the wonderful week in the sun that would soon be my reality. I was consumed with thoughts of soaking in the tropical sun, sleeping throughout the day and replacing champagne and oj for my Starbucks ritual over breakfast.

When in my tropical haven, I spent alot of time in my own thoughts. An important excersize for anyone to do every once in a while. I thought about my life, my job, the Huzb, my lil' pup, and how I could improve on things. How I could make things better. When am I going to have a baby? Am I going to be a good Mother? Am I a good wife? What if there is something better out there that I am missing?

Is the grass greener?

And at the end of the day, for the first time in my life, I happily answered No. My grass is really green. I am lucky to have the life I have and to share it with those I love, and who love me, both near and far. No, I'm not complacent. My entrepreneurial drive and obssessive tendencies to continuously improve on things still burn bright, but I take great satisfaction in knowing that I do it with support.

Looks like this vacation is just what the doctor ordered.

A little slice of heaven, laced with some sun and a splash of reality. Shaken, not stirred.

She Wore An Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini...

2006-02-26T20:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, so mine's green and blue striped, but whatever...I'm OFF TO THE BEACH!

In less then 7 days I will be digging my heals into the warm tropical sand, staring out at an aqua-marine horizon while sucking back Margaritas (actually probably Daiquiris, Tequila and I haven't gotten along for years) and inhaling the aromas that are guaranteed to fill your senses when traveling to any of the hot-spot-sunny-get-away-islands.

Hot sticky air laced with sea salt and sand will soon transform me into the Caribbean princess who's only priorities in life are to apply even sun block, eat copious amounts of buffet food, and exhale heavily after every sip of unlimited bar drinks. I promise to lie very still and allow the healing elements of the sun to seep into my skin.

Ahh serenity now...

...phone'sringinggottagowrapuptheweek!!!

White Caps

2006-02-24T12:28:00.000-05:00

Ever climbed a mountain? It's pretty incredible. It's actually quite unenjoyable until you get to the top, or at whatever stage you determine to be the top. Well, that's my opinion anyhow.

Little did I know, when I fell head-over-heels in love, that 'my man' had a serious yearning for hiking and climbing. Sure, we talked about alot of things at the start of our fiery romance, but let's face it, who the hell listens during those 'swooning over wine and sex' times? I kinda figured he was exaggerating.

Right.

Needless to say, since our move out west, I have climbed a few mountains, or extremely large hills. And here's how it goes for me.

Day Before Day 1. Huzb gets everything sorted: Air-tight food, packs, water hydration systems, boots, gators (like waterproof shin pads for wading through swamps to save your legs from getting soaked) you name it! He preps it! And he is so excited about it all that it is literally contagious.

Usually at this point, I am freaking out as the possibility of this being a car-camping weekend fizzles. But at the same time, I'm very excited.

Day 1. Up very early, like 6:00am. As a joke I usually call him The Colonel, because he gets quite serious about the whole ordeal. Must get car packed. Must get on road. Must get to base camp before sun is up so we don't die of heatstroke half way up. Where are my maps? Must Find Maps. Have you seen my compass....you get the point. His attitude is founded mind you, afterall, we could DIE out there!!! I've learned to stay quiet until we are actually in the car. Heh.

Once on the hike, Huzb relaxes and quickly sets the pace for our usual 17km+ hike for the day. Except for the internal fear that I carry throughout the entire hike about bears and cougars and any other wildlife that might potnentially do great harm to us, I force myself to stay positive because I know that it's going to be worth it.

Half way through Day 1: I change my mind and think that it's NOT a good idea that we have done this. We are going to die, I'm going to fall off the side of the mountain, or get chased by large creature, Huzb is yelling at me to come check out what's up ahead, all I want to do is drop my 50 pound pack, suck on my hydration tube and eat trail mix. Through a substantial amount of sweat and tears I push on. It becomes a mental battle between giving in and perserveering, and as I stare up at the switchbacks in front of me I know this is the last of the worst. Legs burning, lungs inflating and deflating heavily with every slow-paced sturdy step I take, I breathe through the pain of gaining elevation and losing oxygen.

Ahead, I see the distant silhouette of Huzb. Standing tall, he drops his pack and wipes his brow. He turns back to smile at me and that gives me the final internal push I need to make it. I can't wait to see what he's seeing. I can't wait to put down this fucking pack. I can't wait to ....

Silence. Neither of us can say anything. Mountain ranges spill over eachother in the distance and are connected by flowing glacier water and melting snow caps. A swift breeze glides over the mountain flowers that are soaking in the afternoon sun, the air is crisp, pure and clean. I've never breathed in such clean air. I've never been happier to breath! And all aorund me is quiet. It is nature in it's purest form. Tasting the sweat from my upper lip I realize that what I've worked so hard for, is worth it.

Staring out my office window I can see the White Caps in the distance...I can't wait for Spring.

Not-so-Black-and-White

2005-12-15T16:00:00.000-05:00

NOTE: This, apparently, never got to post status...but having reviewed it I think it's still post worthy.

Well...well...well...I've pretty much failed miserably at keeping a blog this year. I can sit here and type all of the reasons and excuses in the world as to why I have neglected to take the time to type, but at the end of the day, I've just darned failed!

Ah well...as we embark upon what some view as the most coveted few days of the year, I find myself in a mild tailspin as I prepare to pack up and head East with my husband, home for Christmas. This will be our first Christmas home in 2 years, our first Christmas together with all of our families and friends, our first Christmas as guests, in our own home town.

Growing up is strange. I remember my Mom telling me as a child that the maturing process hits you in spurts, like growing pains. There you are, travelling along through life, paying little attention to the big picture, then an event will take place that sparks nostalgia and all of a sudden, you realize you've grown, you've progressed, you've lived to tell.

This occurence took me by surprise last week when my little puppy was ill. To spare the absolutely repulsive and stomache-turning details, my lil'pup was a victim of a 'neuter gone bad'. It was in the ER room when my husband was holding him limp in his arms and putting him on the table, as the vet was preparing to adminster an anesthetic, that I realized my current role in this life. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am responsible. I have to be strong. I have to make alot of money. I have I need I am....oh my christ!!!! I'm ALL GROWN UP - I WANT TO GO HOME!

It's been a tough year getting used to being away but at the same time I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm living in an exciting city with my husband who I love more then ever, and a new puppy who has filled our lives with joy and mess...did I mention the mess?

I can't wait to see everyone! Wishing you the Happiest of Holidays - cherrish the special moments in life, it's what truly matters.

Polka-Roo Yoga Guy

2005-09-27T11:36:00.000-04:00

Ok, I admit, I have been just AWFUL at this blog. From the very onset, when choosing the name even, I was stuck. Stuck on what to say, how to start, do I pick a theme? What is the background going to look like and will it relflect my writing? What IS my writing? Why am I doing this? You get the point...

So, on the near anniversary of my arrival in Vancouver, (I officially arrived here on September 19, 2004) I am starting this blog over again. The new Transient Tales of a Girl is going to be purely me. Could be a one-liner, could be a three-pager. But instead of wasting time on trying to decide what to write, I'm just going to - well - WRITE!

For over a year now I have been trying to get into the "new swing of things". It's amazing how much happens to you when you move away. There is alot of starting over again, getting back into the groove, re-defining yourself in your new surroundings. Before I left Toronto I wanted to make sure that I had a good yoga contact, as it was such an important part of my life for so many years. My instructor and friend gave me the name of someone who she had studied under and whom she held a high regard for, and who, ironically enough, is a Vancouver local. PERFECT!! I thought...I'll at least have the familiarity and the connection to my old life through yoga.

It took me a while to actually get up the nerve to go to class. I suppose alot of that was emotional, as the connection of going to yoga reminded me of my friends back home and the weekly tradition which was born a few years back, as we would ceremoniously meet weekly to stretch out our stresses and shed tears of joy and pure relaxation. So when I finally worked up the energy and nerve to go to my first west-coast yoga class I hoped that the referred teacher would be there. Much to my dismay, as I unrolled my crinkled mat, an announcement was made that he wouldn't be teaching the class, he had the flu. I was disappointed, but also excited to get back into practice, and so I carried on.

On my way home that night I cried. A good healthy cry. A cry that had been stirring in me for months as I pushed aside emotion while I eagerly focussed my attention on setting up my new life. It was wonderful. About a month passed and I went back to class with the hopes that he'd be there, and again, the yoga-sub (which is what I now call her although not fair of me because she is also a regular teacher at the studio and quite amazing) announces that the regular scheduled teacher will not be in due to a familiy emergency. Damn it! I'm cursed! And more importantly, I can't report to my old teacher friend what it's like to take his class because I keep lucking out!

Monday night I made my third attempt to catch his class and again, no show. So, my dear teacher friend, your referral will forever be known to me as The Polka-Roo Yoga Guy. And when I finally do cross his path and get to experience his direction, I'll be sure to tell him! In the mean time, I am happy to report that I am slowly getting back into the swing of things and yoga is once again a part of my week and my life.

Om Shanti!

Pink is the new black...or is it teal?

2005-04-05T14:44:00.000-04:00

Has anyone seen this springs' collection of colour yet? Wait...who am I talking to...WHAT the hell is going on out there? I always have a hard time with spring fashion. I have fair skin, with a tint of olive, so yes, I do tan. I followed my autunm tradition last year by going auburn again... Got rid of the blond streaks that were great at the wedding...and am now back to dark dark brown...thank you Loreal. But last years onset of pink was tough for me. You remember, the catwalks and fashion mags were saturated with the pink palette, from powder rose to magenta. New shades of pink lipsticks and eyeshadows owned the makeup counters and displays. From running shoes to ski gear, iPods to eyewear, Pink was the new Black.

Ok so fine, I totally latched on. I joined the craze. I embraced pink!! I can think of at least 7 items of clothing off the top of my head that I wear on a regular basis, that is pink. I love my new pink necklace the hubbie gave me for my 30th. I love my hot lingerie that my BF sent me for my 30th. (Did I mention I turned 30? that's another blog). And I am totally and forever attached to my little pink clutch and matching mitts that I sported this past winter.

So why...why must I ask...is teal now the new pink? Honestly I can't keep up. Nor do I want to. I don't like teal on me. It drowns me out, makes me look gaunt. But wait a minute. Isn't teal kinda close to baby blue? HEY I LOVE BABY BLUE!

...gotta run now and hit the mall before the teal craze is over... heh...:)

White Satin

2005-02-04T16:30:00.000-05:00

It's coming up to 5 months now since I made the big proverbial "leap" from east-coast to west-coast living...and let me tell you, like most things in life, it's been quite the learning experience!

There are a few stereo-types about Vancouver that have proven to be true. Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you that the rumours are bang-on...the drivers in this city SUCK! People have no idea how to abide by the rules of the road, they drive too slowly, cause accidents all the time, have no clue how to turn left, and occasionally drive directly into oncoming traffic. All jokes aside, I am not making this up, I am not even expanding the truth even a little bit just to be funny! I often find myself wishing I were in an airplane than on any street in Vancouver behind the steering wheel...for those of you who know me, this should validate my fear!

People here are happy. The average person walking down the street smiles at you. Before I moved out here I figured it was because of the copious amounts of BC bud being smoked. But that's not the case. People like eye contact out here. The other day I was in an elevator and this guy starting talking to me about the weather. I automatically got my guard up and became the cold-hearted bitch I tend to turn into when strange men try to talk to me, but I soon realized this wasn't the case. People here just like to chat. There is no such thing as an awkward silence because there never is silence! Unless you are camping or skiing or doing any of the millions of outdoor things that BC is known for. Anyway, I felt really bad after we both got off the elevator and gave him an awkward smile in response to his genuine: "Have a nice day!" So I guess I still have to get used to that.

Moving on to fashion...this is where things really fall apart. There is a serious dilemma out here when it comes to fall/winter attire. First of all, no one in this city needs to wear parkas and scarves and mitts and get this...EAR MUFFS?! People...it's minus 3 at the WORST! So, I'm kind of confused on how to fit into the "winter scene". I can't sport my Ontario Parka because I totally over-heat, and I always forget my umbrella at work so I'm stuck wearing my MEC rain jacket (meant for camping) over my business suit! Clearly I need time to adjust. However, I'm sure of one thing: Februray ain't the month for wearing WHITE SATIN PANTS! I know there is a fashion law out there that clearly states NO white after labour day and before May 24! I'm not giving in to that one let me tell ya!!

Getting Started...

2005-01-11T00:03:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about how to start this little writer's project of mine now for almost a year! I was completely oblivious to the whole underground blog scene until one of my girlfriends got knocked up and started her own blog to record the obvious...and she has done such a kickass job I wanted to be just like her and have my own little piece of fame. I mean really, this shit is cool - I am publishing my own writing here, right before my own eyes - I'm a star!

But then I got right down to it and tried to think up a name for my blog. I found myself lying in bed awake at night, tossing and turning and trying to think of things to keep my mind occupied long enough so that I wouldn't think about the fact that i wasn't sleeping, and it would appear, in the front of my mind. BLOG. BLOG. BLOG. In big pink and red and blue letters flashing behind my eyelids. Like the signs on the Strip in Vegas. BLOG. And I would panic! Jesus Christ what the hell am I going to call this damn thing? I can't start a blog and become famous before I even have a title!! I can't just name the blog - BLOG. So I went to Dax. My trusty girl Dax. And thanks to her, I now have a starting point.

So, Transient Tales of a Girl it is...I hope you enjoy the journey as much as she does!